Twitching ovaries.

 Seriously.  Too much cute in one picture.  It takes all my might not to nibble on these kids all day long.  Ha!  Ironically, I recently came across a study talking about just that fact.  Why it is you get the urge to play-bite your kids.  It was talking about how images of babies or interacting with babies triggers similar brain pathways that are triggered when you get your hands on some really good food.. both pathways resulting in a surge of dopamine.  I believe it..!  There are so many times when I see bare chubby baby thighs and tummy that I just want to nibble away.. and they all laugh so hard at it!  The article also talked about how primates play bite and, to summarize, the biter and the bitee (if you will) must have an enormous sense of trust in one another.. knowing that the biter isn't going to actually cause pain.. and that it's almost as if sending a message that "I'm so trustworthy, you can stick your finger in my mouth"  (here's the article ).  I'd believe that, too.. All the time while I'm nursing Amelia she reaches up and shoves her fingers in my mouth.. waiting. almost, to see what I'm going to do.  Aidan will do this to me, too.. except he'll come up and shove his hand in my mouth and say bite.. such strange behavior, but reminds us of our primal roots.

Now as if talking about biting cute babies wasn't enough, here's an adorable tubby shot.   We're slowly letting Aidan hang out for longer and longer in the tub, and so far (knock on wood!) he hasn't pooped recently!  I hope this means we're turning a corner!! Hooray to that, though my bathroom will probably be quite sad.. I don't think my tub has ever been so clean!!  I had posted this to my Facebook page and someone commented "you're going to need a bigger tub!".  How true is that, ha!  If/when we have more kids, there won't be room for another. 

Having more babies.  Ahhhh..!  Something that has been on my radar now for a few months!  This is the first "spring" that I'm not pregnant in 3 years!  It's crazy how much I miss it.  How could you not want more when you're surrounded by these 3 and see how much love they have for one another?!  I may not have come from a "big" family, but I came from an immediate and an extended family that strongly impressed the importance of family and how fulfilling family is.  There is no greater gift than the love of a family.  I fully believe that. However, I can say for certain that there won't be any new babies joining our family in 2015.  But, it's definitely a topic of conversation that gets discussed quite often here.  We go back and forth all the time on how much time we'd "like" to put in between our next child.. how many children we'd like to have.. if money weren't an area of concern, I bet that number would be a lot higher.. but, seeing as our grocery bill has already doubled with just 2 mouths to feed (Amelia doesn't really count yet..!) it's definitely a factor in our decision.  We will see what life has in store for us.. first things first, we'd have to get a new car... so!  That'll be the indicator.. when the new car comes.. baby #4 hopefully won't be too far behind :)  In the meantime, we're soaking up all the awesomeness these 3 crazies bring to the table!

 Afterall, I have to keep young babies in our house... what else would I do with my awesome wrap stash that I've accrued?!  It's kind of a bummer that Amelia isn't really a fan of being worn, especially since she's the lightest and I could easily wear her for long lengths of time at once!  And, ironically, Aidan likes it the most.. and no surprise, he's the chunkster.  Him and Owen weigh pretty much the same these days.. around 30lbs each.  Aidan will bring me over my wrap and say "uppy, Mommy.. pleaseeeeeee?".  Seriously, how can you say no to that?? You don't.  You just say sure, kiddo.. and up he goes.  He's so funny.. we do "dance parties" in the great room all the time.. it's a fun way to pass the time and keep everyone involved and burning some energy.  Aidan likes being on my back while we're dancing because then I'm bebopping him all around.. but, if I were to stop or slow down he nudges me and tells me "go faster, Momma"!  I seriously don't understand why I'm not stick thin!! I nurse Amelia, I wrangle the two crazies.. I dance with kids strapped to my body!! Sigh, I really need to cut out the ice cream at night or something! 

I have started going to the gym (I know I mentioned this before).  Since there won't be a baby this year, I figured it's about time I stop looking like there might be one!!  Having 3 kids back to back has done quite a number on my physical self as well as my confidence, so this is a nice way to get healthy and help restore a little bit of self esteem.  It's actually become quite nice.  I really enjoy zumba.. it's a lot of fun and keeps me interested without getting bored (mostly because I'm so focused on trying to learn all the different moves and combos and not falling on my face!).  It's nice too because it's also become a point in my day to look forward to where I get to focus on "me".  I love my kids and I love being a Mom.. but, I started realizing that I wasn't taking any time for myself really and that I do deserve that every now and again.  It also helps that Jas is an incredible Dad and I have no concerns leaving him with wrangling 3 kids for dinner and bedtime 2x a week!  I still have that "guilty" feeling.. like I should have just stayed home with them.. but, I remind myself that happy Momma = happy kids.. and sometimes that 2 hour break is just what Momma needed to restore those patience after a crazy day!

Too good to pass up!

Like I said in my last post, the month of March flew by, but there were still a few gems I wanted to share in my blog, so this post is kinda jumping backwards (not necessarily in sequence, either), as most are from March, with the exception of the Easter pictures.

 Do you see this?  This is how you allow two boys to happily play pirates in the tubby without having to worry about disaster.  Disaster meaning Aidan pooping in the tub, Owen screaming like he's been shot, and me frazzled and irritated that I'll have to scrub the tub with bleach for the 57th time this year (and it's only March!).  For convenience, I always bath the boys together.. actually, we do all 3 on the same night.. it's just easier.. bing bang boom.  Because of Aidan's inability to not crap in the tub, we usually give him a shower bath, which entails him sitting in the tub and me washing him with the shower head before the tub has even filled.  And then when he's done, Owen gets to get in and can play.  Except how awful is that!  Aidan wants to play, too, and every single night there are tears because he doesn't want to get out.. he wants to play ABCs or pirates or just splash around and make a mess like Owen.. but, every single time I concede and let him stay in.. he poops.  So, I popped a diaper on him, lined the floor with towels, and made peace with the fact that my bathroom would be a soaked mess and just let them play.  It worked fantastically, as they both had a blast.. there was no poop in the tub (ha, but he did poop in the diaper!! what is it with the tub that makes this kid poop?!).. and everyone was happy.  I will admit to having to save him a few times as he almost went over the side head first.. a small price to pay for the happiness that comes along with pink bath water and foam pirate toys.

 

Re-purposing diaper boxes has become my new secret mission in life.  Mostly because it pains me to think about how much money we spend on diapers.  Our latest recycling mission was breaking them down and painting on the under side.  Works SO much better than construction paper (er, more like printer paper) that we've tried in the past.  After the first few minutes of painting (mostly unassisted - aside from me just making sure they didn't eat it), Owen starts saying "Look Mom, I made an airplane".. I was fully prepared to pretend like I saw it and praise him, never expecting he actually did make something that really did look like an airplane, but to my surprise he had!  He must have some if his Aunt Mimi in him, because he certainly doesn't get that creative artistic side from me.  I have zero art skills.  I'm the "paint a sun in the corner of the paper" kinda gal.  Jason isn't very artistic either... at least not that I know of..  I've never seen him draw anything? 

 Moodle is doing so well sitting up.  She very much enjoys the freedom, too.  She's becoming even more of a delight these days.. genuinely happy and content.  Her hair is still a ridiculous hot mess.  We've had to resort to using poufs of some sort to keep it out of her eyes.  It's so funny, when she does have a fussy period, Owen will say "Mom, Miss Amelia is fussy.. she wants boobie" or  "Miss Amelia is cranky, she needs a nappy" or perhaps my favorite of all "what's your problem, girl!".  Cracks me up.  I don't know why I find it so funny hearing him say these things as these are all things I say to her word for word.. it's just hearing it come out of his mouth that makes me laugh.  Sometimes he repeats things and instead of sounding like he's 2.5 he sounds like he's an adult.  Aidan usually comes over and tries to share his juice cup or snack with her whenever she's crying.  Which, is surprising.. because of all things, Aidan is very possessive over his food and drink!  It's like stealing honey from a bear!  Sometimes, I really honestly think he might try and bite my hand if I were to take his food!

 Owen also has this crazy obsession with the carbon monoxide detector.  It's plugged into an outlet in the hallway at the top of the stairs outside of their doors.  It has a "tester" button on it, that when you press it the alarm will beep 3 times in a row.  It's a high pitched beep, similar to the smoke detector.  For some reason, Ojo is terrified of this alarm.  Aidan has figured out that Ojo hates it and has made it his goal in life to try and press the button every. single. time. we come up the steps.  They now try and race each other to the top of the stairs, and then Owen, my normally very sweet and gentle kid, will full force football tackle Aidan to the ground to prevent him from pressing the button as he shrieks "DON'T BEEP IT!".  If tacking fails, he's not above hair pulling, shoving, eye guaging, etc.  It is a fierce battle they have.  The more aggressive Owen gets trying to prevent Aidan from doing it the more intense Aidan gets in his desire to do just that.  I wouldn't care as much, except the fact that it's like 3 feet from the top of the stairs makes me constantly yelling at them to NOT wrestle right there!  Ahh, sibling love at its finest!

Our days are filled with highs and lows, ups and downs, tears, tantrums and giggles.  It's never boring, whether we're playing diaper box trains, with me pushing them all around the hardwoods or curling up together on the couch eating pretzel goldfish and watching TV.  And the more they're able to communicate (mainly Owen, but Aidan's saying more and more these days, too!) the more comical my days with them are.  Owen must ask me 1000 times a day "What you doin`, Mom".. I had started responding with "I'm having a party, Ojo" because it was irritating me beyond belief (almost as irritating as listening to Halloween music STILL in March).. so now, when I ask him what he's doing he tells me he's having a party.. but he's nice enough to ask if I'd like to come to his party.. it's a fun party, Mom.. you wanna come, Mom?  Come to my party, Mom!  Or how about last week when it was raining when he had this lightbulb moment and yelled to me to tell me that water is coming from the sky!!  That's right, kiddo :)  Or how he farted the other day, and was laughing hysterically because he farted on his pants.. Another favorite is every morning when we wake up he will say to me "Guess who's coming over today??!"  and when I say who, he'll name someone.. usually Mommom.. or "the guys".. or "my friends" he'll say..  He also likes to put people on the spot.. so, watch out.. if you get a phone call from Owen he's probably going to ask you if you're going to come over and play with him.. and if you tell him no, he'll likely make you feel like an awful person for making him cry (my Mom can attest to this.. he's done it to her many of times.. and for the record "no" because you have to go to work isn't an acceptable reason to him!).

 Ha.  Easter.  So, with Aidan and his barfing issues in the car, pre-Easter photos didn't really happen.  We actually woke him up from a nap, stripped him down to a onesie and loaded him in the car in that, justtttt in case he yacked all over himself before we arrived at Jason's Aunt's house.  For that reason, there was no early afternoon Easter pictures.  SO, what you see is what you get.  This was post Easter dinner.  3 tired kids.  All pretty crabby.  Ready for bed.  And, wanting absolutely nothing to do with smiling.  At least they matched!  I was able to get this one sweet picture of Ojo loving on Moodle.  This boy has such a big heart!  Overally, Easter itself was a success, despite no smiling shot to capture it  We made it there and home (thank you drammamine) puke free.. though, we were pretty close... my hopes that the tubes helped cure Aidan's motion sickness have pretty much diminished.  We've seen no improvement.  Tis life.  The kids had a blast at Jason's Aunt's house and they were really, really well behaved.  There weren't any major meltdowns or crying fits...!  Their Aunt Nicole and Mommom & Poppop had gotten them bubble toys and water guns so they had a ton of fun playing outside. 

I'm kind of a terrible Mom in the sense that I didn't take pictures of them "opening" their Easter baskets.. or finding the eggs I, er.. the Easter bunny, hid.  But I guess that's to be expected considering I didn't take them to see the Easter bunny, either.  I've harped on this before (I'm sure), but it's just SO hard to justify taking Aidan out in the car for a drive that I know is going to make him sick unless I medicate him for something they aren't even going to enjoy anyway.  Actually, if I'm being totally honest, we miss a lot of things they would absolutely enjoy, too.  On top of Aidan actually getting physically sick, it has also become a MAJOR source of anxiety for me, too.  I don't really understand why, either.  I tell myself over and over.. there's nothing you can do about it.. if he pukes, oh well.. we clean it up and move forward.. but even still, I get ridiculously anxious the entire drive.. I'm not one to have "anxiety" issues normally, but this is definitely something I don't handle well!  I think it's the combination of feeling guilty that I'm forcing Aidan into the car knowing he won't feel well, plus then the frustration of dealing with the mess and the cleanup.. uninstalling car seats, taking car seats apart to wash them.. re-installing car seats.. the smell of puke that lingers in the car.. ugh, it's just horrific.  I PRAY he outgrows this, soon.  Or, at least starts to understand the concept of knowing when it's coming, so we can teach him to puke in a bucket or something!! Even then, though, I'll still have the guilt.  I know how awful I feel when I get car sick.. I can't imagine dealing with that feeling every single drive :(  When I'm pregnant my motion sickness worsens.. I remember many drives to and from work where I'd have to pull over on the Blue Route to get out of my car until the nausea passed.  Aidan's too little to ask us to do that.. instead he's stuck back there feeling so sick to the point that he pukes.  Ugh.. I hate it for him.  So, for the most part.. we stay isolated at home.  Anyway, I digressed, a lot.  My point was, while I suck for not taking any pictures of essentially anything Easter related, at least I have proof that the Easter bunny did in fact come and bring them baskets!  And, we did end up dying eggs!  Something I swore I wasn't going to do because it's an utter waste of time.. but, we invited my parents over and the kids died eggs with Mommom and Popple.. Ha.. wish I had the picture of Aidan's egg victim.. the one he smashed in his hand by squeezing it until it burst.  Or, the 15 eggs that Owen died that were cracked in 49 different places.  Meh, they enjoyed it.. and, as my Mom keeps saying.. it's all about tradition :-P

Playing Catch Up

The days are busy and the weeks are flying by!  And as a result, my poor blog has been neglected.  Not by choice, per se, but more so by necessity.  Sleep trumps blog always.  Plus, I've added in this fun thing called the gym (grumble), which steals away more hours of my week with, so far, little pay off (another grumble).  It's also FINALLY been nicer out so we're spending a lot more time outdoors, which means the days of blogging during naptimes are over because naptime is now used to do laundry, clean dishes, dust, vacuum, etc.  Tis life, I suppose.  I find myself leaving little post its around or notes on my phone of certain things I want to remember so I can write about them if/when I actually get some time!

SO, to kind of catch up here.. let's start with Aidan's surgery.  He can finally hear like a normal person!! At least, we think!  Surgery went really well for the most part, despite him vomiting 7 times between the car ride there and home.  This motion sickness is a BEAR.  Ugh.  Once we got there and got him ready for the procedure they came in to give him giggle juice, which is, as you probably guessed from the name, supposed to make him giggly.  It did not.  He continued to glare down every nurse or doctor that came within a few feet of him.  One nurse even said "well, I guess it can't make everyone giggle".. lol.  He is such a serious boy when he wants to be.  Taking him back was tough, he definitely pitched a fit initially, but once they got behind the closed doors we couldn't hear him anymore.. so I just tell myself he settled easily.  Literally, from the time they took him out of my arms until the doctor met us in the waiting room to tell us how it went 8 minutes had passed.  So fast!

 Recovery actually went better than I had expected, and better than the anesthesiologist had prepared us for it to go in the sense that he wasn't hysterically screaming or inconsolable.  He was out cold when they brought him out of surgery, and stayed asleep for a good little bit.. the nurse kept saying just let him sleep it'll help the medicine pass from his system.. and then after a while she was nudging him and poking him trying to wake him.. my boy enjoys his sleep!  When he woke, he was grumpy, and clingy, and cried a few times here and there, but overall he did really, really excellent.  The procedure is normally done with a mild anesthetic (because it's so quick), but given Aidan's history with motion sickness, they did it via IV so they could give him some anti-nausea medicine, too.. I'd like to say that it worked great, but it did not.  Despite Daddy sitting in the back with him, he still managed to yack all over himself and my car.  So much for the wishful thinking fixing the ears may help the motion sickness!


 Did I mention it snowed?  Yep, as you can see here in the background it did indeed snow on March 20th.. hello spring.

Once we got home and fed him he was pretty good.  Crazy on his feet, stumbling all over the place and walking into walls and such, but after a good nap he was pretty much back to normal.  He had some gunky junk come out of his ears the next morning, but other than that he seemed perfectly fine and not bothered by the procedure at all.  Good to know in case any other or future kids may need this!  The ENT told us that it's totally normal for children with tubes in their ears to have discharge come out of their ears instead of their nose when they get sick.  What a weird thing to expect.  I keep waiting to see Aidan sneeze and see gunk shoot from his ears.  I really hope that doesn't actually happen...!

Aunt Mimi purchased the kids a swing set for Christmas this year.  I thought we were going to have a nice end of March day on weekend so I invited my parents down and put my Dad and Jason to work setting up the swing set.  Except, it turned out to be cloudy and cold.. like, really cold.. hands numb kind of cold.. ground so frozen you can't stake the swing set down kind of cold.  Oops.  In my defense, the initial weather prediction said it was supposed to be warmer and sunny.. I can't help the fact that they're always wrong!!

One of the perks of living where we do is having the woods behind our house.  The kids LOVE to explore.  Owen has a new obsession with some of Daddy's TV shows.. in particular, Mountain Monsters and Swamp people.  So, he thinks it's the coolest thing to go out in the woods and look for Bigfoot.  "Gotta get him, Dad.. DAD!  Do you see him, Dad?!  Mom!  Look!  It's BIGFOOT!".  He cracks me up SO much.  When you ask him about swamp people he talks about how the alligators are in the water and then BANG, they go nite nites.  

This little lady.  She has the most amazing smile in the world.  With this adorable little dimple in her cheek.  Even on the crummiest days, she can make me smile and feel a million times better just with that smile of hers.  She's doing so well sitting up.  Still not crawling or mobile at all yet, but I'm sure that will come in the next few months.  She's a watcher.  She likes to just sit there and take everything in.  Watch what the boys are doing.. what we are doing.. what the dog is doing.  She just enjoys seeing the world.  I guess she didn't really have a choice in that matter.  Being baby #3, she was and still is left to entertain herself every once in a while when I'm off helping out one of the other two.  She kind of had to adjust, and that she has.  Don't get me wrong, she still very much has a voice and will let you know if she needs something, but for the most part, she's quite pleasant.  Those 2 bottom teeth that have been sitting at the surface for months now finally broke through, too.  I thought she was my earliest teether, and here we are over 6 months and just now seeing them surface!

We've started putting her in the walker lately.  While I'm cooking dinner, I task Owen with the job of pulling around Miss Amelia.  He loves it almost as much as she does!  She laughs and giggles at him, and he gets such a kick out of that.  Best little buddies.  I will say, if there is one thing all 3 of my children have mastered (aside from their ability to eat enormous amounts of food) it's their ability to give the dirtiest looks in the world!  I believe this one in particular is because the sun is partially in her face, but she shoots them at me every once in a while for no good reason at all..  I've been told I tend to give not so nice glares at people, too, so I guess they inherit that trait from me.



Finally with the weather breaking we're able to start spending more and more time outside.  My boys have so much pent up energy from the winter months, it's amazing how much better our days go when they're able to get outside and burn that off for an hour or two.  One of the down sides of the boys being so close together is their ability to team up on me..!  They encourage each other to do bad things, and pretend Mom doesn't exist!  But, the benefit is this incredible bond they have between them.  I remember when I told my former manager at work that I was expecting again (with Aidan).. and I said to her that I was so excited for them to be best friends.. to which she responded that her and her sister were very close in age as well, and they were never close.. they actually don't even talk now as adults.  That was the first time I had this panicked feeling of omg.. what if they don't get along.. what if they don't like each other.. I can happily say, though, so far that has not been the case.  And, seeing the joy they each bring one another is absolutely incredible!  And then you throw Amelia into the mix and see how much she adores them and how much they adore her.. seriously.  My heart can barely handle all the love they have for one another!  Both the boys just randomly come over and hug and kiss her.. Owen will tell me, "Mom, I love Miss Amelia".  It just.. incredible.  I pray that closeness sticks with them forever!

       

It's amazing how quickly these kids are able to master a skill.  When we first got the swing set, Owen had zero concept of how to swing like a "big boy".. Aidan couldn't figure out how to get up the steps of the slide.. and neither one of them had any idea what the point of the teeter-totter was.  One weekend my in laws were over and I was at the gym.. I came home and Owen was swinging like a big boy with no problems at all!  I was in shock - he barely would even sit on it with me, and here he was holding on tight, asking to be pushed higher and higher!  Since then, there's been no turning back.  He tells me he wants me to push him so high he can touch the moon.  Aidan swings in the "baby" swing.  It surprises me SO much that he doesn't get sick being pushed, but so far he hasn't.  We've slowly worked on mastering how the teeter totter works.  It's difficult for me to do it with them alone because neither quite understand the concept of not letting go and not being able to just jump off at any given moment.  The last time I tried, Aidan dove off, which caused the teeter totter to drop down and caught Owen on the back of the leg which then instilled some fear and he's refused to try it again.  I'm sure it won't be long before they're willing to try it again and they'll master this, too.

 Can we take a guess as to what's going on here in this picture?  Aidan has become a frequent flyer of timeout.  I honestly don't even remember what he was doing that caused him to have to visit the time out chair, but it was probably total disregard for me telling him no to something, or a complete melt down over something, or likely a combination of the two.  Regardless to where we are playing, I must always have a time out location because almost always Aidan must visit it at least once.  I remind myself all the time that strong personalities are good as an adult... it's just as a toddler I tend to call him stubborn, defiant and mischievous!  I will admit, though.. sometimes Aidan gets in trouble when really it wasn't all his doing.. I've caught Owen a few times setting him up.. "Aidan.. Aidan, climb on that chair and get the remote".. or "Aidan.. it's okay, get the iPad.. get the iPad Aidan".. He's also entering the "what" phase.  I'm sure I wrote about this before with Owen.. every time you address him the response you get in return is "whaaaaaat".  It's funny, I hear it so much that I barely even noticed it anymore coming out of Owen, but it drives Aunt Mimi crazy, so whenever she's here and points it out to me I realize how he would say it ALL the time.  And, now Aidan, too.  

It's amazing to think how much my life has changed in 3 years.  It's amazing to think how much a tiny little person (or 3) can change your life.  Whether we're trapped in the house or running around like crazy people outside.. whether everyone has cooperated and taken their naps or we've dealt with tantrum after tantrum.. life is still incredible.  Some days I absolutely feel like my head may burst from so much stress.. but I can promise you one thing.. there isn't a single day that goes by where my heart isn't overwhelmed with the amount of love I have for them.

6 months!

Can you believe this little lady is 6mo old?  It certainly doesn't feel like 6 months have gone by, especially now that we're not sleep deprived!  It's incredible how quickly the time goes.  You'd think by my 3rd kid I'd be pretty well versed in how quickly they change, but it still amazes me to see the differences even just a few days can bring.  Miss Amelia's personality is blossoming.  She is the absolute sweetest little lady I've ever met (I will, however, admit that I know very very few baby girls...).  She has this smile that she does.. she squishes up her whole face, sticks her tongue out and gives the biggest smile.. she greets me with it every time I go and get her from nap or bedtime.  It's impossible not to melt when you see this!  Though she doesn't look it in the pictures, she's still quite a little peanut... weighing in around 14.5lbs.  I think my boys weighed that at their 6 week check up!  I had her in a 0-3 month outfit the other day and it still fit.  So much for all those 9mo clothes I bought her for the spring!!  No worries, I have 80 different pairs of babylegs (as seen in this picture!!) that she can rock daily once temperatures aren't so frigid.  Her hair is a totally different story.  There's pretty much no containing it.. permanent "bad hair day" for her.  The back is full of cowlicks (ps, that's the proper spelling! totally not what I would have guessed, but googled corrected me!).  The cowlicks are like dandelions, they just sprout up everywhere and spread.  Her bangs are always in her eyes, but I refuse to cut them.  I hated bangs as a child, so I'd really like to try and just let them grow out now.. so, that means in the interim bows and headbands have to help keep the hair out of her face.  She's still nursing fantastically, which is a huge huge huge accomplishment for me, too.  Check off that 6mo goal!! 1 year, here we come!  We did introduce some solids and as you can tell, she's quite the fan.  She's not a huge fan of BLW and much prefers pureed foods instead, but she's just learning and I'm looking forward to exploring more foods and textures with her.  She's smart as a whip, though!  My girl knows what the high chair means.. and if you put her in there and don't start feeding her within seconds, she let's you know she is not patient!  I have the cutest video of Owen feeding her.. Amelia kept spitting it out a little and Owen was hysterically laughing saying "Uh oh, she spit it out!!", and then when she'd eat it he'd say "Miss Amelia likes it!!".  So of course, then I asked him if HE liked it and his response was "Noooooooooo.. yuck!".. That's actually how we've gotten Owen to eat dinner better.. he was in this phase where he started fighting us on every single meal, so now when he doesn't want to eat I ask him if he'd rather me feed him some of Amelia's food.. usually I only have to ask once and then he quickly eats the rest of his meal without any problems!!

Having 3 so close in age definitely poses it's challenges, but the rewards far outweigh any of the difficulties.  They are absolutely so close and it melts my heart.  Both Owen and Aidan have to always be in the know regarding the whereabouts of their siblings.. and Amelia.. she's constantly looking for the boys.. staring at them.. watching them.. laughing and cooing.  It's the absolute sweetest thing.  I will say, capturing pictures of all 3 of them successfully smiling is pretty much impossible.  I usually call it a win if I can get a shot without someone crying.  Even if that means grumpy faces!

Owen's new thing is he likes to try and pick her up, supervised always, of course.  He cracks me up because he'll grunt to lift her up, and then put her down and tell me "Miss Amelia is too fat".  The things this child says.. I swear!  I wish I could run video all day every day to capture them!  I always think to myself after he's said something candid that I need to remember it to add it to my blog, but often by the time I actually have a chance to sit down and write, I can't remember what I wanted to write!


Aidan and Amelia are little buddies, too.  I think if I had to choose right now, personality wise, she's tending to be a bit more like Aidan, which is semi terrifying because my Aidan man can be tough stuff.  But, she's got that same demanding/stubborn personality.. she can be sweet as pie and charming.. but when she wants something there is not a damn thing that will distract her from getting it.  Her and Aidan have developed a very close relationship.  She beats up on him, tugging away at his hair and clawing at his face, and he just laughs and giggles back at her.  (Owen will usually cry if she pulls at his hair and then say "Miss Amelia is a bad girl!"). 

We are all looking forward to this Winter ending.  Not so much that it's been a "bad" Winter, but more so it's just seemed like a never ending Winter.  The cold after cold after cold.  I can't wait to just be able to take the kids outside for an hour or 2 every day to burn off some of that pent up energy!  By this point, it feels like every day I'm trying to come up with a new game or idea to keep them entertained.  I happened to have an old comforter of ours folded up in the loft area a few weeks ago.  We always use blankets and such to create tents, but for some odd reason I decided let's use it as a parachute, like they had played with at their birthday party when we had the music lady come.  Fantastic idea, and they instantly loved it.  Except, holy hell is it a workout on our arms to continuously create waves in the blanket to resemble the parachute!  As if that wasn't bad enough, then they both laid on there and we drug them all around the loft and our bedroom.  At first, it wasn't so bad.. just one night, no big deal.. except every single night since they both cheer for parachute!

Another new fun idea was utilizing the gigantic amazon box that comes every month containing our supply of diapers.  We always play inside and push and pull them around the dining room on the hard woods, but I had seen a Facebook posting about how awesome boxes can be for creating personal art spaces, so we figured we'd give it a try!  Huge huge huge success! It's fantastic because 1.  I don't have to worry about them coloring on my table, floor, chair, etc.  2.  They are confined and 3.  they genuinely think this is awesome and are having a blast!  I can quickly see this becoming a new favorite activity!  I'm looking forward to being able to do more fun stuff with them as Amelia is getting older and a bit more independent herself.  I have so many fun projects I'd love to do with them this summer!

That's pretty much it for now.  This month will be busy, I'm sure.  Aidan had his Neurology appointment and is cleared for his surgery (scheduled for the 20th).  While I'm nervous, and wish he didn't have to do it, I know that in the end it's the best thing for him.  I've been told by many people that it's a quick procedure and the recovery is easy, so I'm just hopeful that it'll go that way for him, too.  Of course, it's just anesthesia and such that worries me.. and my baby being out of my hands.. regardless of how brief.  I'm sure he'll be fine, though.. CHOP is incredible, and they were excellent for Owen's eye surgery... hopefully I'll get a chance to check back in the end of the month!





 

Debbie Downer Post

These kids.  Without a doubt they keep me on my toes.  They are the largest contributors to my ever-high stress levels, but they also fill my life with the most amazing sense of love that I've ever experienced.  Earlier today. out of nowhere I had this ridiculously scary panic attack about death.  It was the strangest thing.  The kids were napping, Jason was reading a book/watching TV and I had fallen asleep, briefly, on the couch.  I woke up and there was a Disney commercial on TV.  I thought to myself how I'd love to live in Disney when I'm older so I could go all the time, which then triggered the thought, na, Disney is more fun when you're younger vs when I'm older, which then provoked the thought that my "young" days are over.. and that the idea of doing something when I was "young" won't ever be able to happen because, well, I'm in a different phase of life and you only get one shot at things as "me now".  From there it all just spiraled out of control until I was in a full blown panic attack.  Asking Jason to explain to me what he thinks happens after you die.  I mean, I know he believes in Heaven, but I wanted to hear what it is he thinks Heaven means.. how would it compare to the physical world.. will our days still be routine and typical.. will you still have the same senses that we have now?  For example, will I still be able to hold his hand, kiss him goodnight.. one day would I ever be able to embrace my kids again.. hug them and shower them with all the love I have for them?  We're talking a total melt down here.. tears, anxiety, trouble breathing..!  I am not religious.  My beliefs are very grounded and nature based.  I truly do believe in reincarnation.. I believe that our souls are part of a universal energy that is inherent in all living things and when you die, that energy goes back to the Earth.  But, what does that mean as far as my memories go.  When I die, will I remember this life?  Will I remember the love I have for my children?  The love I have for my husband?  Will it just be like wiping the slate clean and starting all over again.. except for maybe a few dejavu` moments in my next life?  And what happens if God forbid we're all wrong.. and there is no Heaven, no Summerlands, no reincarnation?  What if you die and it's all just.. black.  Nothing.  The end.  This consumed me for a good few hours... scaring the crap out of me.

It's strange.  Death was never something I really "worried" about until recently.  Until having children.  Knowing that it is my job.. my responsibility, my role as their Mother to provide and care for them.. raise them into strong, independent adults.. nurture them and love them for eternity.. the idea that my life, which now has such a greater importance, is not guaranteed is terrifying.  Forget about acknowledging the fact that their lives also aren't guaranteed.. that, I seriously cannot even process, and refuse to even let my mind consider.

It's just very scary.  There has only been a handful of times that Jason and I have both been apart from the children.  And, every time that happens, I get this enormous lump in my stomach thinking the worst thoughts.  Makes me a fantastic date..!  My sister recently watched the kids for Jason and I so we could have dinner out together, and the whole drive there I worried about something terrible happening.. like us getting into an accident or something.. and how unprepared we are.. it was quite the mood setter.  Needless to say, I doubt Jason will be asking me out to dinner again anytime soon!

Seriously, though.. all this worry and panic has provoked the conversation of us generating a will.. a set of wishes.. what we would want for our children.. who we'd want to care for them.. things that are important to us.. values we'd want instilled in them.. etc.  We've not done it yet.. but we know it's something that needs to be done.  Not a pleasant thing.. quite morbid, actually.. but it's important.  This is a whole different side to parenting that you don't think about... preparing for the worst case scenarios.  Blergh.

Parenting Fail: Tonka Joe

Parenting comes with all sorts of challenges; some are minor, while others can be quite difficult.  One of the biggest challenges, likely because it's one you face every day, is trying to be a "good" parent.  Good is relative, of course.  At the end of the day, I often find myself recapping the day and wondering how well I did as a Mom.. was I able to make my kids laugh and smile?  Did we have fun?  Was I able to keep my patience in check?  Was I consistent with the way that I handled the tantrums and fits that are inevitable with a 1 and 2 year old?  Did I remember to shower, eat and drink something?  Do I think my kids would remember this day as a positive one?  My goal is for the answers to always be yes.. but every once in a while, that answer is no.

Back in October, Jason had to go away for work.  Amelia was about 6 weeks old, and sleeping maybe 6 minute intervals (I exaggerate, slightly), and the boys were still wild and crazy trying to adjust to having a new baby sister in the house.  Not to mention the flood of post partum hormones I still had pumping through my veins as my body was trying to adjust.  My Mom had helped me out a lot that week, and for that I am so grateful!  I would have surely sunk without that help!

One of the nights she (my Mom) was here, she took Owen up to bed for me.  I nursed Amelia and listened to her and Owen over the monitor.  Owen had chosen a book to read for bed.. Tonka Joe.. this isn't a book I've ever read to him before, just one he randomly selected from his book shelf.  I hear my Mom and him laughing and cheering and shouting through the whole book.. they had SO much fun reading it.  It wasn't until she came downstairs that she told me she made the whole thing up because she didn't have her glasses on so she couldn't actually see the words.  But, the two of them laughed the whole time.  It was a really sweet moment to listen in on.

Shortly after, my Mom headed home.  An hour or more goes by and I can see Owen is still up on the monitor, despite me telling him it's bedtime numerous times.  I've just gotten Amelia to bed, and was hoping to try and get some sleep myself, too.. but, alas, he's sitting in his crib bouncing up and down throwing something all around laughing.. what is he throwing?  I have no idea.  Finally, curiosity got the best of me and I went in to see what it is.. he had taken his Tonka Joe book and SHREDDED it.  Confetti.  A thousand little tiny pieces.  And there he was, sitting in the middle of this mess with this little develish grin on his face tossing the pieces up in the air laughing.  I. Almost. Lost. It.  I instantly shouted WHAT DID YOU DO.  In a pure fit of my own anger, I grabbed him up, quite roughly, smacked his hand, and sat him on the floor against the wall as I then cleaned up the shredded book.  I was so angry with him.  I cleaned everything up yelling that Tonka Joe is gone, and he's in the trash, and that this was such a bad thing to do, how he ruined his book, etc etc etc.. I put him back in his bed, without his blanket or bear guy or any of his other toys and told him you get nothing now for bed.  Stormed out of his room.  Slammed his door.  And sat down in the hall right outside and cried, while he cried in his crib.

After a few minutes, I had cooled down and felt like absolute shit for letting my anger and frustration and exhaustion get the best of me and I went back in.  I picked him up, hugged him, apologized, and we talked.  We talked about how he knows better, and how it's not nice to ruin his things.. and how him and Mommom had so much fun reading Tonka Joe and now he won't ever get to do that again, and how that made Mommy sad and how that should make him sad, etc etc etc.

That was the last book ripping experience we had.  And the last time we discussed Tonka Joe.

Fast forward about 4 months to a week ago.  Our current bedtime story line up consists of Mercer Meyer "Beach with Dad", and another random book that my neighbor had given us called "My Mom is Great".  In the Mom is Great book there's one page that says:  My mom always knows when I've done something wrong, but she never stays angry with me for long.  We read this book every night and never before has it elicited a reaction.  As he's sitting on my lap, and I finished reading that line, he turned and looked at me and said "angry like Tonka Joe, Mommy?"  It caught me by surprise, but I said "Yes, Owen, angry like when you ripped your Tonka Joe book"..."and when you shut the door?".. "Yes, how I shut the door".. "And when you grabbed my arms (as he held up his arms)?".. "Yes, Owen.. when I grabbed your arms..".."and spanked my hand, and Ojo cried?", shamefully I softly replied "yes."..  "And when Tonka Joe went in the trash...".. "yes, Owen... " At this point, now I have tears filling my eyes thinking I've scarred him forever from that night... I apologized again for what happened.. and me yelling at him.. it's honestly the first time I ever really lost my temper with him.. and it saddens me to know that he remembers it SO vividly 4+ months later.  His ability to recount every detail of that night just caught me by such surprise.. and, instantly I felt so incredibly guilty.

Seriously.  Parenting can be so difficult.  And, I try.. I try my hardest to be patient and kind, forever loving while being consistent with our parenting decisions.. but, sometimes you lose your cool.  What's scary is that one bad day for me could mean a forever long bad memory for him.  While I'm thrilled we haven't had any more book ripping situations (from Owen, at least).. I'm not proud of the fact that our "end" to book ripping was a result of Momma losing her patience.

Kid Talk

Remember that expression "kids say the darndest things".. there is so much truth in that I can barely handle it!  Ojo has taught us rather quickly that everything we say is up for grabs when it comes to repeating things.  We've coined quite a few "ojo-isms" these days.  The things that come out of his mouth just crack us up!  Aidan is getting there, too!  Toddlerhood is definitely tough because of the defiance and the tantrums, but it's also the most enjoyable part because you really start to see their personalities coming through.  Here are some examples of the many phrases that I hear repeated...

"Pain in the ass"... I know I touched on this last time, but it hung around for a good two week spurt where this was his favorite phrase and everyone in the house was called it.  Daddy put him in time out?  He'd grumble pain in the ass as he sulked over to the timeout chair.  Amelia was excessively crying?  he'd shake his head and call her a pain in the ass.  Aidan stole a toy from him?  Yep, you guessed it.. he'd shriek "pain in the ass, Aidannnn!".  Oops.

"WHAAATTT?!?!"  (spoken exactly the way I spelled it.....!).  This is the response you get whenever you ask him a question, give him a command, or even have a conversation with someone else in the house.  And, the attitude that comes with this word.. oh my, he kills me!

"Hey Mom, catch this"... said when he's about to throw just about any and every object at my (and often, Amelia, too) head.  Thankfully, his aim is terrible, and he hasn't developed much strength in that throwing arm.. but quite a few occasions he's nailed me with something.. like such as a full sippy cup (I know, I know, why does he still drink from a sippy... the messes!!! I mean, seriously.. I already spend 80% of my time cleaning up after them.. I can't imagine open cups, too!  I digress..).

 "NOOO!  Amelia eats boobies, not milk!!". He is very adamant on this, and will inform anyone and everyone of this fact. I will say though, one of his favorite things to do is rub Amelia's head while she's nursing.  I adore this picture because it shows how nonchalant he is about it.. he's watching Sesame Street, but has to make sure he's rubbing her head, too.  He has such a ginormous heart...!

And then there is Bill.  The ginormous horse on a spring that was gifted to the kids by their Aunt Ali for Christmas.  Who names a horse Bill?  Owen does. We spend a LOT of our day listening to Pandora radio, and Owen's favorite song is "I like to move it move it".. he requests this song every time he's riding Bill.. because he wants Bill to "move it move it".

"Get up and eat".  This one comes from me, without a doubt.  I feel like I am alwayssss pleading with this child to just eat.  He isn't picky with foods, and overall is a great eater.. he is just SLOW.  It's always a process.. We have to take breaks, have a few meltdowns, some tears, some groaning.. and then eventually he scarfs down everything on his plate.. so, naturally I say to him "get up and eat, Owen" all the time.  He has now begun saying this back to me.. or Aidan.  Two days ago he told me to "take one more bite, or go take a nap"... little does he know, I actually would prefer the nap!

Aidan likes to get in on the horse riding action, too.  He gets to ride Blake.  The original wooden horse that we had.  Again, Blake?  Seriously.. considering Jason and his Father are both big into horse racing, you'd think my child would be able to come up with more creative names!  Nope, we've got Bill and Blake.  Anyway, Aidan likes Blake.  The only issue with Blake is that it's not meant to be ridden by a beast like Aidan (and Owen!).  My kids rock with such force that they end up toppling over head first.. repeatedly.  It's kind of funny, but at the same time I'm paranoid one of them will land on their neck and get really hurt.  So, riding Blake requires supervision!  I think even funnier than watching them ride on Blake is watching Aidan trying to get up and down off of Bill.  It cracks me up seeing him try and pull all 27lbs up onto this horse.. and forget it if he happens to be wearing jeans.  No shot.  This is strictly a "soft pants" only activity!

 Both him and Aidan spend a lot of time yelling at the dog.  My dog.  Ugh.  I love him.. He was my baby for the longest time.  But, in his old age he's become cantankerous and disobedient.  Case and point, he used to never be allowed on this furniture set, but alas, rules no longer pertain to him and he's declared this couch as his! Old man Chunk is also not a huge fan of the kids, so, I admit, Jas and I are often asking/telling/yelling at Chunk to leave the room when us and the kids are in there.  Now, when he does come down, the boys also say "DOG! Get out!".  A few weeks ago, Owen is yelling at Chunk to leave, and like normal, Chunk is completely ignoring him.. Owen responds by shouting "I'm pissed!"... looks at me, looks back at Chunk, who still hasn't even lifted his head, and then throws his arms up in the air and yells "are you kidding me!!".  I about peed myself laughing.

Aidan.. pretty much everything in Aidan's life right now focuses on Elmo.  I think by the time he's 2 we may have permanently banned that word from our house.  EVERYTHING revolves around Elmo.  You can't walk past a TV without him crying for Elmo.  I can't dress him in the morning, because OMG if it's not Elmo on his shirt, he freaks out (and, can I just say finding Elmo clothing has been a huge pain in the ass -- guess I know where Owen gets that phrase...!).  A few weeks ago I had just put him in his fleecey footy pajamas and was folding laundry.. this fleece Elmo hoodie that he has was in said basket of wash.. as he sees it, he now starts hysterically crying for me to put Elmo on overtop of his jammies.  Sure, easy enough.  Except this Elmo hoodie is size 18mo.  He wears 2T.  Trying to put this thing on over his already thick fleecy PJs.. it was like fitting the kid in spandex.  That was what prompted me to really begin searching for more Elmo apparel.. when I realized how strong this child's addiction is!

 Both my kids have "bear guys" that they sleep with.  And, both of them are the most random choices of things to grow attached to.  Owen's was this little toy that came attached to one of his newborn sleepers as an infant.  Aidan's was actually given to us as a gift to Owen along with a Winnie the Pooh sign, but somehow it got put in Aidan's crib when he was a baby and became his lovie.  The thing is absolutely disgusting.  I can't for the life of me figure out what this kid does with it, but it ALWAYS feels as if someone dropped it in the toilet.  It smells horrific, even though I wash it on a bimonthly basis.  He just chews on it, and sucks on it, and spits on it, etc.  Seriously.  You could easily mistaken this as one of Chunk's babies.  It's always crusty and rancid smelling (when it's dry) or sopping wet whenever he's had it.  But he LOVES this thing.  He cracks me up, he'll bend down and bite it's belly, lift his head and shake it in his mouth just like Chunk does with his toys.  He is a strange little child :)

Aside from his obsessions with Elmo and his bear, Aidan is a majorrrrrrr button pusher.  He doesn't like to listen.  Ever.  He throws tantrums that are pretty horrific.  Way worse than I remember Owen doing.  And, he's relentless.  Stubborn.  Thick headed.  You name it, basically.  He knows how to just drive you absolutely insane at times.  Jason and I were talking about this earlier.. he pushes and pushes and pushes.. and gets you to the point where you're ready to just screammmmmm... and then, all of a sudden.. he just stops and says "Hi Mom"... through the tears, and the fighting and the kicking and the screaming.. he'll just look you dead in the eye, face flush from getting so out of breath from throwing such a massive tantrum, tears still streaking his cheeks, and he'll smile.. "Hi Dad".. "Hi Mom"... he would do the exact same thing to me when I was home with him.. but, hearing Jason explain this same happening to me earlier just made me laugh.. he plays us both!  Because, like Jason said, instantly after he says "Hi...", we both would feel bad about being on edge with him, and then we apologize and forget what it was we were about to reprimand him for!  He's smart... he knows already how to manipulate us!

 And then we come to Moodle.  It's so cute how Owen calls her Miss Amelia, but Aidan calls her Moodle.  Daddy calls her Missy Woo.  We each have our own nicknames for her.  I tend to call her a combination of all the above, and more.  Baby girl is another one.. and Owen will repeat that as well.  Sometimes he'll say to Aidan "come here baby girl".. he gives me this puzzled look when I start laughing.. clearly understanding the distinguishing between girl/boy doesn't apply to him yet.

Amelia is a trooper.  She allows me to dress her up (on occasion) and put these bows and tutus and sparkly shoes on just to take pictures.  For the most part, she tolerates it well.  Minus smiling.  She saves all those for when she has my FULL attention.. never when there's a camera or phone involved.  Her favorite smile is when she squishes up her whole face, squints her eyes, smiles big and sticks out her tongue. It is the cutest expression, and I just about melt every time she does it.  I'm determined to try and catch it on camera on day.. kind of like how I've been trying to catch Aidan's "country stomp" (his method of dancing involves standing up and repeatedly stomping on foot on the ground while flapping his arms)... adorable little quirks that they have, but impossible to catch on video.


 Since the night before the night before Christmas, Amelia's sleep has been drastically improved.  She's now sleeping roughly 7:30-7:30a with the occasional overnight wake up, but for the most part, solid sleep has once again become our norm!

Let's talk nursing.  We are FINALLY at that sweet spot.  The spot where it's enjoyable, it's easy, convenient and I truly do understand what everyone means when they talk about that "bond" that you get.  Now that I'm back to work, I only really get to nurse her once or twice a day on those days.  I make the decision to leave for work later that way I can feed her before I go.  It's a bittersweet call.  Mornings are our favorite feedings.  She is always so happy and content.. she just stares up at me, popping on and off to smile and coo and "talk" to me.  It usually takes her 30+ minutes to eat because she's so chatty and happy.  It really does make it SO difficult to leave her.  Lots of mornings I leave later than I'd intended simply because I find it so hard to pull myself away from her smiles.  Her new thing is she plays with my hair while she's eating.  She's usually pretty gentle, but every once in a while she catches me off guard and grabs an entire fistful and nearly rips it out of my head.  I'm really happy that we were able to persevere and make nursing work out.  My initial goal was 6mo, but now that we're only a few weeks away from that, I am hopeful we'll be able to reach a year!

Overall, this past month has been a busy one.  I'm so ready for winter to be over.  The kids are tired of being couped up in the house, I'm tired of the cold weather, dear LORD we are tired of paying the energy bills associated with the cold... we're just over it.  It's a lot harder to entertain everyone and burn off some energy when we're stuck inside.  Some days it's worth it to spend 20 minutes locating hats, gloves, coats, shoes and socks and bundling them up for a 5 minute walk out to the mailbox and back.  Just something to break up the monotony of the day.  We tried to then go play out on the deck for a bit, since we were already bundled, but within minutes hands were frozen, noses were running, and tears were freezing to their cheeks. I had to bribe them with hot chocolate and marshmallows to convince them to come back over to the warm side.

 We did get lucky!  Last weekend we had my family over to celebrate my birthday by having a home made pizza making day at our house.  We really lucked out temperature wise because it turned out to be a gorgeous day!  Temperatures reached nearly 60 degrees.  It was so nice for all the kids to get to go play outside.  My boys have been gifted 2 jeeps over the years, but neither have really mastered how to drive them yet.  Thank goodness for big cousins!  We had to get creative and roped the two jeeps together so the bigger one that Liam was driving could pull Owen's (since he hasn't mastered the concept of pressing the peddle and steering).  The kids all had a fantastic time!  It so awesome having nephews just a few years older than my boys.. they really are like best little buds.  I hope that they maintain this friendship forever and ever.

I suppose it's not much of a shock that the week following our beautiful outdoor weather my kids end up sick (my nephew, too!).  The boys both spiked fevers yesterday morning.  By the end of the day all 3 had fevers.  This resulted in extra cuddle time and special permission to watch Elmo and Buzz whenever requested in the comfort of Momma's bed.  I'd love to say that these kids were feeling better today, but with the exception of Amelia, that's not true.  Amelia's fever was low grade -- likely teething.. the boys fevers are 102-103+.  Ya know, the kind where they touch you with their little baby hands and it feels like someone is laying hot coals on my skin.  Whatever it is must be viral since it hit them both at the same time.  If we're not better by Monday, to the peds we'll go.

We also had Aidan's second opinion ENT appointment today.  We've scheduled the surgery for putting tubes in his ears for March 20th.  However, we have to get in to see Neurology before then so he can have an MRI and CT scan done to rule out any neurological conditions that could be factoring into his motion sickness/balance issues.  Apparently it's not a "normal" thing for a kid so young to have such severe motion sickness.  Mostly, I think, seeing neurology is just for precaution.  The ENT doc, who was GREAT by the way, is pretty confident his issues are stemming from the large amount of fluid built up in there, but she said that anesthesia likely wouldn't sign off on the procedure without him first having been seen by neurology.  So, that's where we're at.  It all makes more sense, though.. she talked about how having fluid in his ears like this all the time could give him an "all the time belly ache", which would then explain why the kid is always asking for food... perhaps he's just trying to settle his belly ache, when really the issue is coming from his ears.  I'm really hopeful this will fix all his issues!  If not, at least we caught this now before it resulted in long term damage to his speech and/or hearing.  March is shaping up to be a pretty busy month, but hopefully I'll find time to check in again, soon!