Milestone Books.

Milestone books.  Ya know, the ones that say "by X amount of months your kid should be doing Y".  They should all be taken out of print.  Burned.  Banned from the parenting communities!  When Owen was first born, I bought several parenting/milestone books thinking it was the "right" thing to do.  It would help me make sure my child(ren) was on the right path with hitting all of his developmental milestones.  Except, the reality is all those books have done is make me paranoid about everything! 

Owen didn't repeatedly roll over until something like 8 months?  And, he didn't crawl until 11ish months.. but he walked at just over a year (about the only milestone we reached on time).. Now, at 16 months, he still barely says any words.. he is capable of speaking, he just chooses not to.. his common words are: mama or mom.. baba.. chunk (unk).. vroom.. and then a handful of other things he's said maybe 3-5 times each.. such as I love you..biggest fluke ever.. said it two days in a row, and then nothing since!.. Dada.. which has become more of a game, I think.. he just likes to not say it because it riles us up.. and up. The point is, almost every "milestone" that he should have hit, he's been behind on.  And, each and every time it gave me anxiety. 

And then there's Aidan.. at his 2 month appointment, the pediatrician pointed out that he wasn't making good eye contact or tracking.. after her saying this (and, of course, my reaction was "No no no, he does wonderful at home!"), I watched him like a hawk for the next month.  And, she was right.  He wasn't really interested in looking at me.  He didn't really care to see my face.. or even Daddy's face.. he was just more interested in looking around.  The Pedi was very clear that this was something he should be doing by 3 months.  So, when 3 months came and he still wasn't following me (or toys), I started to get scared.  Several nights I cried thinking there might be something wrong.  But, I just continued watching him... have you ever heard the expression "a watched pot doesn't boil".. I swear that's what was going on!  I went back to work shortly after he turned 3 months and Aidan man has been home with Daddy and OJo.  And Daddy.. my laid back, go with the flow husband.. he just let them be.  And wouldn't you know, in this past month Aidan has changed so much.  He looks for us when we speak, he stares at us, and smiles and coos back.. he will happily follow toys when we're playing with him, etc.  He's perfectly fine.  All the worry and fear and tears on my part were for nothing!

As a Mom, I want the best for my kids.  I want them to thrive as children, grow up to be responsible, successful, and loving adults.  I want the world for them both.  So, when I read in a book that "your child should be reciting 3/4 of the dictionary by the time he's 18 months" (exaggerating, of course), it worries me that my kid is "behind".. or when I read about the importance of eye contact in the first 3 months and how it can be an indicator of other issues I can't help but get nervous.  It's my job to be vigilant.. to protect them.. to teach them.. to nurture them.  So, isn't is also my job to worry?

In the end.. what have I learned?  My kids are perfectly fine!  Those books are based on standards.. averages.. learning curves.  I'm a scientist!  I, of all people, should understand that these types of timelines are based on medians, averages, etc.  There will always be examples of children who reach milestones earlier, and there will always be children who reach them later.  The point is, my boys do and will reach their milestones.. it's just at their own pace.  And, there's nothing wrong with that!  For years, people have been telling me that the answers aren't always in the "books".. and in this scenario, they're right!  I'm truly going to try and STOP reading those annoying milestone books.. or emails from "The Bump" and "Enfamil".. instead I'm going to trust my instincts.. who cares if my children are on the downward slope of the bell curve?  They are still on the curve, and that's all that matters!

No more worrying for me.. until the next milestone, of course :)