The Dish Washing Desire

It's funny how sometimes you feel like you can't really speak your mind, because you're afraid of being judged.  Perhaps that's just me, and my strange hang up on what people around me are thinking.  Regardless, today I bring to the blog some brutal honesty, with the hopes of no judgement!

We are on week 11 now of my maternity leave.  11 weeks home with the kids.. trying to get everyone acclimated to the new routine of having 3 and not 2.. trying to get Amelia on some kind of sleep schedule.. hell, forget the schedule, just some kind of habit where she naps daily would be nice!  And, ya know, a nap must be defined as a period of sleep that lasts longer than 30 minutes once I've put her down.  The 57 different 10 minute catnap things she does after she's finished nursing do not count!  I digress.  Sort of.  Jas works from home on Monday and Wednesday, which is awesome because it gives me a helping hand for the toughest portions of the day (i.e. lunch time and dinner prep).  Tuesdays are usually a breeze because I know J will be home on Wednesday.  Thursdays and Fridays are tougher.  By the end of the week, I'm tired.  The house needs to be cleaned, again.. the kids start getting antsy.. everyones' routines start going all haywire because the weekend is approaching, etc.

Today really was a pretty decent day.  The morning started off great.. boys slept in until 8:45, Amelia slept until 6:15, everyone woke pretty happy.. it was good!  Owen is in that phase where he likes to watch a movie, and once he decided he "likes" it, we then must watch it every. single. day. of. our. lives!  For the past few weeks it's been Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas (or Twice upon a Christmas.. Mickey 1 or Mickey 2 he calls them).  I had run out last night to the store to pick up a few things I needed, and I bought him Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  We attempted watching that this morning, except every time music played (which happens like every 2 minutes in the 30 minute show!) Owen would frantically start saying "all done, Mom!  Mickey Christmas now, pleaseeeeeeee Mom?".. So, yea.. the Grinch wasn't really a hit. 

Naptime came.  The normal routine is I feed the boys lunch, change them and put them down around 1pm, and then come down nurse Amelia and she goes down, too.  On the most glorious of days, all 3 will sleep for at least an hour.  Today, not so much.  Aidan has been going through this anti-sleep phase, too.  When you put him down he screams like he's being tortured and then often just lays in there babbling/whining/hollering for me to come get him.  The other night (again, I digress), he pitched such a huge fit that he threw himself down in the crib and busted his lip open.. blood all over his sheets, his mouth.. yep, lots of fun!  Anyway, to my surprise they both went down easily, so I mistakenly thought I was going to get time to shower today!  Go down to feed Amelia, who is WIDE awake and cooing and happy as can be.. of course, not at all ready to go to sleep.. I feed her, rock her, get her nice and content when I realize hmmm.. she smells kinda bad.. so I figure okay, let me try changing her quickly without disrupting her sleepy state.. ummm, yea, that didn't happen because my girl was FULL of poop.  Legit.  Like, up to and INSIDE her belly button.  Which then required an impromptu tubby.  Which then required the entire swaddle, rock and get to sleep process to have to start all over again.  And, wouldn't you know, the second I get her to sleep, Aidan begins calling my name!  So, I quickly emptied the dishwasher and retrieved the hooting child before he woke up Owen, too.  No break for this Momma!

By the time 5pm rolled around.. Amelia was screaming to eat at the exact moment I needed to start dinner and both my boys had decided to put me on mute apparently because NO ONE listened to a thing I said.. and this was anything from don't hit your brother to don't open the oven!  Did not matter, no one listens after 5pm.. it's just a rule they have.. a pact.. a brotherly pact.  Today, thanks to Aidan's boycott of naps, we had 2 head injuries in a matter of 5 minutes time.  In his sleepy, delirious "I will not listen to Mom" state of mind, he headbutted the corner of my kitchen wall TWICE.  Legit.  He whacked his head, I picked him up, we iced it, I put him back down, turned around to finish making dinner and he whacks it again.  To which I then put him in his highchair.. confinement!  Needless to say, I very much watch the clock and wait.. wait for the glorious moment that Daddy walks in the door.  Because, I know that a second pair of hands.. and perhaps a short break for me is on the horizon!

Jas and I usually split up the evening tasks.  He walks in, we all eat dinner.. I take the kids and bathe them, play with them, burn the last bits of energy while Daddy packs up the food and does the dishes before coming out and joining us before bedtime.  Most people would probably think I have it made!  My husband does the dishes almost every single night!  It is really a nice gesture.. and I love that he's so helpful!  Seriously, we have 3 babies so close in age because teamwork is something we've mastered.. he is fantastic.  But.  But!  Some nights.. especially on Thursdays and Fridays.. it is I who has the desire to stand at the sink scrubbing the pots and pans. 

Dishes used to be a tedious task that no one wanted to do.  But, some nights I feel like it's the chore that we are both secretly hoping to get assigned.  Manning 3 kids who are sleepy, cranky and unruly, the boys both wild and crazy burning off that sugar rush that came from the "treat" they were rewarded after eating dinner.. it's exhausting, especially after a long day.  And, I often don't say anything, because I know he's just as tired, too, from working all day... but, sometimes.. just sometimes... I need that break, too.  I love my kids and I would not change the craziness that is our lives for a second.. but, every once in a while.. I need to be the one standing alone in the kitchen, with the sound of the running water drowning out the shrieks and screams and calls for my name..!  Sometimes it's that tiny bit of a break that helps me regroup myself and give me that last push to get through the bedtime craziness.

Tonight, we compromised.  Daddy did most of the dishes.. until Mommy came in and took over.. and then proceeded to stay in the kitchen and bake cupcakes and brownies while Daddy put the boys' to bed. 

Holy whirlwind!

 I don't quite think the term whirlwind is a strong enough word to describe the chaos that has been our lives these past two months!  The beginning weeks with a newborn are always difficult.. we were expecting that fully.. but, a newborn AND 2 very needy toddlers does make it extra challenging!  I think for Jas and I the biggest adjustment has been dealing with sleep deprivation.  And, for me, adjusting to the differences between a breastfed baby versus a formula fed baby.

First.  Sleep.  Oh dear God!  For those of you who don't adequately value sleep... THINK AGAIN!  Sleep is such a huge necessity, and something I will never take for granted!  Amelia, my sweet, beautiful little lady... she has started off very much ANTI sleep.  Actually, that's a lie.. the first 3 weeks she did decent.. 2-3 hour stretches consistent throughout the day and night.  Exactly what you'd expect from a newborn.  That was easy, and predictable.  It was the rebellion that occurred around week 3 when she decided sleeping wasn't necessary, and instead she'd wake up 2-3 times a night, but then stay awake for 2-3 hours each time, resulting in two very exhausted parents!  I had no choice but to learn to function off of 3 and 4 hours of broken sleep a night.  I am almost afraid to speak the words aloud, but... we have had a week or so with more good nights than bad.. so, I'm very optimistic that we will soon be turning a corner.  Still by no means are we in the clear.. but, I can at least see straight and the deep purple circles that have been permanently fixed under my eyes are starting to fade!

Then there's the breastfeeding challenges.  I almost want to write an entire post about this.. and, maybe I will another day.. but for now I'll just say that it has been one of the most difficult challenges for me, and one that hasn't quite "paid off" the way I expected.  Long story short, I wasn't able to nurse either of my boys.. Owen never worked out because of his NICU stay, and Aidan didn't work out because he wasn't gaining weight.. I was determined to make it work this time.. I AM determined to make this work.. but, it hasn't been easy.. not at all!  I will openly admit to being the type who likes to have a good deal of control over certain things.. with nursing.. it's been an entirely new approach having to learn to "trust" my body.  In the beginning of our journey (and our new Pedi probably thinks I'm a huge wingnut), I kept taking Amelia in for weight checks to make sure she was gaining.  I finally have more confidence in the fact that she is indeed getting enough, but I still feel like we're constantly battling challenge after challenge.  We've been facing some GI issues.. definitely dealing with reflux, which is being treated with medication (though it's not fully helping), perhaps some milk protein sensitivities (hello dairy free diet.. you SUCK), and maybe even a bit of colic thrown into the mix.  We have an appointment with a GI specialist this month, and I'm really hopeful that together we can get her to a more comfortable place so that we are all a bit.. happier!

I envisioned nursing being this amazingly incredible experience.. me feeding her, looking down at her.. bonding.. filled with this feeling of empowerment knowing that I was able to provide for her and that it would just be beautiful and serene.  I wasn't prepared for a baby who screams at the breast, is constantly pulling off shrieking in pain, thrashing around, biting and bruising me, the tears from us both, etc.  It has just.. not at all been the pleasant experience that I hoped for...yet!  I know she's gaining.. and I know that once we can sort through whatever it is that's causing her discomfort we'll find that joyful place in our nursing relationship.  We just aren't there yet.  Yet.

And to think I thought getting a decent picture of my boys was tough!! Trying to capture all 3 is nearly impossible!

Month 3, so far, has started off much better than the first two.  Again, hoping we're at that corner where the light has been hiding with regards to sleep!  My boys are absolutely incredible with Amelia.   OJo is my little helper.. in every way!  He helps to console her when she's crying (often by pulling my shirt down insisting she wants to eat!), helps me pat her back when she needs to be burped, and even brings me diapers and insists on watching me (and often trying to help me!!) clean and change her.

Aidan's interest in her is ever growing... and we've made strides of progress with his interactions with her.  When we first brought her home, he wasn't exactly the gentlest giant you've ever met... he very much lived up to his nickname, bruiser.  We've gotten to a point now that he does genuinely want to be around Amelia and pay her attention, but we're still working on teaching him how to be gentle.  For example, pivoting all your weight on her tummy so you can lean in and headbutt kiss her isn't exactly the type of love that makes her smile and coo.  He also likes to "pat" her tummy when she's laying on the floor.. but, his pats are more like grabs.  I kept trying to figure out why I was finding little red marks on Amelia's belly and eventually realized when he was patting/grabbing her belly, he was actually pinching her a bit and not just gripping her clothing.  Sigh, it really is a work in progress.  We don't want to discourage his interest in her, but we also feel like we are 100% on guard whenever he comes near!  I don't remember there being this much of a learning curve with Owen when we brought Aidan home.  Just goes to show how different each child can be!

Supervising interactions with Amelia is only a part of my day.  The rest of the time I'm a full on referee between the boys.  Legit, I am asking for a striped shirt and whistle for Christmas!! Now that Aidan is stable on his feet, full fledged wrestling matches ensue between the two of them.. often started by child 2, not the oldest!  Owen.. he's definitely our sensitive child.. he often doesn't "fight back" or even defend himself from his bully brother.  We're working on the right way to handle this.. we want OJo to stand up for himself, but I also don't want to encourage him to be too rough with his brother.. but, sometimes him being such a "softy" makes him even more of a target.  It's a tough balance.  I see a very similar pattern in my nephews, though, and I wonder if this is just "the life" of a 2nd child verses a first child.. first being more passive and second more aggressive.

 October was a great month... not only is it my favorite month of the year, but it was also a lot of fun for the kids with all the Halloween festivities that fill up the month.  A few weeks before Amelia's arrival, a very pregnant and very desperate Momma started playing Halloween music to entertain her children.. at the time, I thought it was a great idea and the boys loved it!  2 months later, (and we still had a few weeks to go before Halloween) I was wishing Monster Mash and This is Halloween had never been created!  Needless to say, there were lots of silly dance parties and pretending to be zombies, ghosts and ghouls up in here!

 Daddy also had to go away for work for a week, which could have been a disaster, but thank goodness my Mom came by and helped out.  At the time, Amelia still wasn't sleeping much at all, so I was more than grateful for the help!  Mommom always comes over ready to party and play -- and, to clean and organize!  I'm not sure what I was more grateful of.. her helping out with entertaining the boys or her helping clean and organize essentially my entire house.  She also invented a new game -- diaper box towers.  I guess with 3 in diapers, its not really a shocker to see how many boxes we can accrue in a months time -- pampers really must love us!  For real, it amazes me how the simplest things can provide HOURS of entertainment.  These boxes became the hottest toy in the house -- between creating towers to knock over, castles to walk through and trains to crawl on top of my kids were entertained for weeks!  So, anyone buying Christmas gifts for my kids this year.. skip the gift and just give them a box!

We also had my nephews over for an evening of pumpkin painting.  I was really surprised by how interested my boys were in this!  I admit, I am the least artsy person in the world, and for that reason I don't often do a whole lot of art related projects with the kids.  In my opinion, it's a WHOLE lot of mess for a very short window of entertainment.  However, after seeing how much of an interest they had in painting their pumpkins, I'll have to bite the bullet on this one and let them do more arts and crafts type projects in the future.

It was super cute to see all four boys sitting shirtless around the table painting their pumpkins.  As you can see, my nephews took this project very seriously and were intently focused on creating masterpieces.  They take after their Mommy!

 I was shocked to see how well Owen did with grasping the concept of rinsing his brush in between colors and not mixing his "palette".

 Aidan, on the other hand, was a bit more adventurous with the paint.  Thank goodness I chose Crayola washable finger paints for him and not the acrylic stuff the big kids were using!  I'm quite confident more paint landed on him and on his pumpkin.  This little blondie is so full of spunk I can't even explain it!

October was full of all sorts of "firsts".. I also ventured out to Target for the first time with all three kids to pick out a Halloween costume for Aidan.  Spoiler alert:  I'll never be attempting that mission again!  The grand plan was to meet my Mom and Sister over at target, and perhaps if the boys were good head to the mall.  Have I mentioned before about Aidan having issues with motion sickness?  This kid!  Ever since he was a baby he would SCREAM bloody hell every time we were in the car.  We just assumed he would outgrow it.  Well, instead, around a first birthday he stopped screaming, and now just vomits almost every time we go more than 10 minutes in the car.  It actually really sucks.. I feel so bad for him.  I get car sick, so I can absolutely relate.  The poor kid doesn't even cry in the car anymore, he just thrashes from side to side and moans until he starts puking.  Once we realized that the barfing incidents weren't just a fluke and that he really was sick from the car, I came up with this great idea to get one of those rubber bibs with the pouch on the bottom to catch food, except for him it would catch puke!  Score.. ingenious idea!  So, here we are heading to target, after it took 2 hours to get everyone dressed and fed and loaded into the car.. Amelia is sleeping, Owen is happy and Aidan has his barf bib on.  The whimpering started just as we were a few minutes away from the exit, followed by the signature cough-and-vomit event. But, no worries, right, he's got that bib on!! It really was a great idea, I just overlooked one major flaw.. once the barf is caught in the bib, what's a 1 year old to do??  Play in it, of course!! And, as if splashing his hands in vomit isn't bad enough, flipping the bib upside down so that the puke goes everywhere is an awesome game, too.  So. So. Gross. And of course, I didn't think to bring extra clothes, because I thought for sure the bib would work.  There I stood, in target parking lot, cleaning up vomit.  I should have known that was just a sign to turn around and go home!  But, no.. in we went, with Aidan smelling rancid.  I'd like to say the rest of the trip improved, but it didn't.. Aidan was whiney the entire time, which meant someone had to carry him, which then made Owen mad and caused him to refuse to sit in the cart requiring another person to hold him, and Amelia, well, I can't really blame her since she was only 5ish weeks old!  We looked like major idiots, I'm sure.. pushing an empty cart and each carrying a kid.  The only upside of the trip was that the awesome target employee found us a clearanced costume for Aidan - super nice of her!!  I'd like to say that saving the $ on the clearanced costume was worth the hassle, but it so wasn't!

 Halloween itself was a lot of fun this year!  Owen thought it was incredible to go Trick-or-Treating with all the big kids.. the "guys" as he called them were comprised of my two nephews, 5 and 7, and a friend of my Sister and her troupe of 4 ranging in age between 3-7.  Owen was constantly trying to keep up with the bigger kids, often pleading for them to wait for him and let him "knock" on the doors.  I thought I was doing him a favor, one time, by skipping a house ahead of the big kids so we'd get there first and Owen could knock.. but, he ended up being too afraid of the wreath on the door and refused to get close enough to knock.  Go figure.  Aidan was a trooper, too.  Despite puking in the car on the way to my Mom's, he bounced back quickly and had just as much fun as the older kids.  In the mad rush to get 3 kids dressed and ready and out the door, I of course forgot my camera and didn't get a Halloween picture, but, we had a Halloween birthday party that weekend and I was able to snap this shot of them in their costumes.  My cheeky little buzz lightyear and the fattest baby owl you've ever seen in your life!

Happy Birthday, Amelia!

  

Amelia Quinn.  Our beautiful first daughter arrived perfectly healthy at 3:35pm on August 28th, 2014 weighing 6lbs 13oz and 19 3/4" long.  After 37+ weeks, meeting this little beauty was everything we imagined it would be.  My sweet Amelia.  She has become the most perfect addition to our growing family!  This post will be more for me.. remembering the day of her birth.. remembering some of those finer details that can often be forgotten!

Jas and I checked into the hospital around 12:30ish.  I remember sitting in OB triage waiting area, waiting for the nurse to come and take us up to OR traige... it was so surreal.  Jas and I were both updating Facebook statuses, fidgeting to release some of the nervous energy that was building.. both trying to contain our excitement and nerves over what was to come over the next few hours.  One of the nicer aspects of a planned c/s was that it was just Jas and me together in the OR triage area.  It gave us some last minute time to just.. sit in silence!!  Legit, I think the majority of our wait we didn't really say much to each other.. both likely thinking the same things.. wondering how our lives were about to change, again.. praying that everything would go smoothly and that our daughter would arrive perfectly healthy.. neither one of us admitting how nervous we were.. but, each being able to sense it in the tight squeeze we had between our hands.. Go figure, I was being delivered for high blood pressure, and yet my blood pressures before delivery were gorgeous - lower than they'd been in weeks!   I chalk that up to my awesome OB and the extreme confidence I had that everything was going to go perfect with her delivering us.

The actual delivery itself was mostly uneventful, which was awesome, since I had a lot of anxiety over what to expect.  Before we got started, all the nurses were joking with me asking if I got "frequent flyer miles" at the hospital or some special discount since this was my 3rd delivery in just over 2 years!  If only it worked that way!! Then we got started, and holy hell, the spinal was awful.. way worse than my first two.  When the anesthesiologist was trying to get the needle in, she kept "hitting" something that was sending shooting pains down my left side.. like, perhaps some of the worst pain I've ever felt in my life.  The nurse who was in charge of "calming me" during the procedure kept saying "just relax your shoulders and curl your back".. ummmmmmm.. pretty hard to relax when I feel like someone is stabbing me in my spine.. oh wait, someone WAS stabbing me in my spine!  I don't remember crying during my other spinals, but this time I definitely did...!  Again, my OB is awesome and suggested they numb me some more before they tried inserting it for the 10th time (maybe an exaggeration, but maybe not.. I seriously lost count after 3)!  Once that was in properly and I was numbed up, we were good to go.  I will give the anesthesiologist some props for keeping the meds in me good.. I didn't have any issues with blacking out or getting sick.. she was very on top of my stats and overall I felt the best during this surgery than I did either time before, so that was good.

I remember it all happening super fast.. I felt like as soon as I laid down and they made sure I was good and numb, they brought Jason in and within minutes Miss Amelia was out crying!  I do remember one of the nurses asking J if he wanted to "look" as she was being delivered and his response was "Na, I'm good right here", to which she replied "nothing wrong with a man who knows his limits!".  That made me laugh!  J learned his lesson when he looked too soon during Aidan's delivery.. scarred him for life!! This time, he waited for them to hold her up before peeking!  The nurses this time were fantastic.  They took so many pictures for us -- really, super nice of them! I also liked that they kept Jas and Amelia in the room with me for longer this time.. I got to see her a lot more while they were piecing me all back together, which was nice.  To me, at least, it felt like it all went much quicker than before, and soon we were on our way to recovery!

We waited a few days before having my Mom bring the boys over to meet their newest sibling.  I remember when we had Aidan that it scared Owen seeing me hooked up to an IV and not able to get out of bed, so I wanted to make sure I was up and moving around before they came to visit.  Aunt Mimi also came by to take some pictures of Amelia.. and pictures just wouldn't be complete without a hair pouf that was bigger than her head!  After all, I spent months purchasing and putting them all together.. of course she had to start wearing them right out of utero!  I think the reality of having a daughter really sunk in when I saw Jason holding her.  There is something so powerful about watching the man you love embrace their child.  I think for me it has to do with the fact that as a Mother, I have the entire pregnancy to bond with the baby since he/she is growing inside of me, but for him.. those moments of bonding come in the first hours and days of meeting the baby.  It's such an incredible thing.. to see the love he has for that little baby.. I've fallen in love with him more and more with each child we've welcomed into this world. 

 So here we are.  A family of 5!  Having the boys there to meet Amelia was even more incredible than I anticipated.  I honestly thought they'd probably show very little interest and instead be more intrigued about what trouble they could get into in the hospital room, but to my surprise their reactions were quite different.  Owen, especially, was immediately interested in Amelia.  Every sound she made, every expression on her face.. Owen reacted to it all!  The laughing picture.. he could not get over her sticking out her tongue. To him, that was the funniest thing ever!  I think if my heart could have burst with joy, it would have in those first moments of seeing my 3 kids all together.  The amount of love in that room was indescribable!  Even Aidan.. my little bruiser.. he wasn't quite sure what to make of her, but he too was drawn in by her tiny expressions and little shrieks.

Now, 10 weeks later, these three are inseparable!  Hopefully now that we're starting to get some more sleep on a slightly more predictable schedule I'll be able to catch up on the whirlwind that has been the past 2 months!  Keep an eye out for more posts!

Letter to my babies!

I'm sure as anyone can imagine, life has been pretty busy here in our home.  3rd trimester + 2 devilish little boys on the go constantly = one tired Momma!  There's so much I wish I had blogged about in these past weeks, but alas, it has fallen down on the priority list and sleep won out.  So here I am blogging at 3am after waking to pee.. super pregnant.. 37w4d.. the morning of August 28th... stuffing my face with a chocolate entenmann's donut and a yogurt... staring down my final hours of being pregnant and wondering where the heck these last 9 months went!!

I remember when I was pregnant with Owen.  We had experienced a 1st trimester loss just a few months before we got pregnant with him.  Between that and the new high risk diagnosis I had received for, ya know, a plethora of reasons, my pregnancy was very much filled with worry and nerves.  When we made it all the way to 37w3d before delivering him, and I remember thinking shortly after how much I had wished I had "enjoyed" my pregnancy more, instead of being so nervous the entire time.  Easier said than done, when you have high risk doctors constantly filling your head with "what if" scenarios and being surprised to still see you pregnant!  When I got pregnant with Aidan, I vowed to try and be a lot more relaxed about all the high risk business.  I took comfort in knowing that we made it to over 37w without any preterm labor scares, and genuinely did try and relax and enjoy it.  But, it all went so fast!  I'm not sure why I thought my pregnancy with Amelia would be different, because it hasn't!! I've come to realize I'll never be able to get back that "first time Mom" pregnancy, where I can spend hours thinking about BEING pregnant, and feeling baby moving around, and taking cute maternity pictures.  Ha, instead, with Amelia, it's gone by SO lightening fast that so many days I'd forget I even was pregnant until I laid down in bed at night!

Night time is my favorite.  It's the only time these days that I truly have some "me" time, and I can just lay there and feel and appreciate her movements.  Pregnancy isn't for everyone.  Some people really do hate it.  I am not one of those people.  There is something so special and unique about the bond between a mother and child while in utero.  Knowing that it's just me and her.. that she responds to me and me only.. that my body is "growing" her/him.. it's an absolutely amazing and beautiful experience.  And, I have to say, of all 3 of my children, she has by far given me the easiest pregnancy as far as scares and even discomfort.  With both boys I was in SO much discomfort by the 37w mark that I was honestly glad that they were being delivered... now, over these past few days as I counted down the days to when I will get to hold her all I keep thinking is... I am not ready for it to be over!  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely can not wait to meet her and hold her on the outside.. snuggle her and see what she looks like.. start getting to know her personality... shower her with love and affection... but, I'm also sad it's over.

The past several weeks we've been battling blood pressure issues.  Up and down fluctuations, elevated protein levels in my pee, headaches and dizzy spells (which cause me to see spots, which I started out thinking were gnats until I realized I looked like a crazy person swatting the air at nothing...).  With my history of pre-eclampsia, and both boys ending up being emergency c/s due to the BP spikes, my OB decided this time let's schedule her delivery before it gets too out of hand.  So, here we are.  Scheduled OR time 2:30pm on August 28th.

I have to say, there are definitely pros and cons about *knowing* that we will be delivering her this afternoon.  It's been nice because I was able to make sure I have everything.. and I mean everything planned out for the boys while I'm gone.  We have who's coming over at what times and what food is in the house and what the plans are for dinner and who will be doing bathtime and bedtime and when Jason will come home each day to see them, etc all figured out.  But.... what I didn't anticipate is the 24 hours of INTENSE anxiety I've had leading up to leaving them.  I knew I'd feel anxious.. I did when I delivered Aidan and left Owen for the first time, too.. but, the difference was, I wasn't expecting to deliver Aidan.. so, we were told "head to the hospital, you'll likely be delivered soon".. I had a matter of an hour with Owen saying goodbye and prepping what he'd need in my absence... sure, I remember I cried when I left, but then I headed to the hospital and was consumed with the busy-ness of preparing to deliver, so I didn't really have time to fret over being away.  This time, our delivery was decided on Monday.  That's given me 3 days.  Day 1 and 2 I prepped everything for the boys.  Today, I've spent pretty much all day with an extreme amount of anxiety worrying about being away.

I know they will be taken excellent care of.  I truly do know that.  But, I also know I've never left my boys for more than a few short hours here and there.  One time I left them overnight for my Holiday work party last year.... but, aside from that Jas and I have only really left them a handful of times and almost always that was either right before they went to bed or after bed and just for a short period.  SO, relinquishing control and handing over 100% responsibility for my kiddos while I'm in the hospital for 4 days has not been something I've taken to lightly.  In an attempt to "lighten" my spirits, my Mom jokingly compared me to "bridezilla" except called me "momzilla" instead... in the moment, I didn't take to it nicely (and hung up on her in tears).. but, I understand what she means.  I like structure, and routine.. I like knowing what my kids are doing and when they're doing it.. when Jas works from home Mon and Wed I check in with him at least 3 times a day to see how the kids are being for the nanny.. when he's not here, I text the nanny at least once through the day to get an update.. I like and need that reassurance.  It's who I am.  Overprotective?  Maybe.  But it's 100% out of genuine love for my boys.. Having 2 babies back to back can be quite tricky.. especially with both of them on the move always in different directions.  When you're by yourself and trying to tend to their needs and make sure no one gets hurt while semi trying to keep one or both from having a major meltdown, it can be challenging.. even for me, and I do it 4+ days a week!!  So, I apologize to those who will be watching my boys... this Momma has an intense amount of anxiety about being away!!

I'm also much more nervous about the surgery than I thought I'd be.  My experiences with Owen and Aidan were quite different between the two.  Owen, I remember being so physically ill  while they were doing the surgery.. crying telling the anesthesiologist I was going to puke because I was so nauseous and they had to keep injecting me with *something* to keep me from puking, except, then I just kept falling asleep.  With Aidan, it was a little different.. they gave me anti-nausea meds before hand, so I didn't have that issue, but instead my BP kept spiking and plummeting which also resulted in me being in and out of consciousness.  I LOVE my OB.. she's absolutely awesome.. and I remember listening to her voice a LOT during my delivery with Aidan.. somehow while being busy cutting him out of me and suturing me all back up, she also was the one that kept talking me through to help me stay conscious at parts.. and I clearly remember her being the one calling to them the couple times I did pass out.. the scariest was when I passed out after Aidan was born and when I came back to consciousness him and Jason had already been moved to recovery.. so, all I remembered was waking up and not hearing Aidan crying and not seeing Jason anywhere.. it was a shear moment of panic thinking something was wrong.. again, my OB.. love her.. she quickly calmed me down... so, yea, there's that fear of the unknown.. not exactly sure what to expect.. I'd imagine my BP will probably be super unstable again since that's what's causing me to deliver, but to what degree it affects me during surgery, I just get to wait and find out...!  And then of course there's the fear and worry that Amelia comes out perfectly healthy... 37w4d.  She will be my "most baked baby", but still considered "pre-mature" because she's born before 39w.  Owen was a NICU baby, but Aidan wasn't.. so, all we can do is hope that she's born super strong and healthy and thrives right away!  We shall know in less than 12 hours!!!

And then, there's the anxiety that's brewing (though, minimal right now) thinking about how life is going to change.  How my boys are going to adjust.  How the dynamic between Jason and I will switch.  The first few weeks are always the toughest.  Finding a new routine.. everyone settling in.. Jason and I getting no sleep, etc.  Just like it was tough at first when we brought Aidan home, we aren't sugar coating our memories and expecting this to be any different.. except for maybe a step up in toughness since now there's 2 others at home!! But, I really do think we're ready for it.. and we have a good gameplan.  The boys are on great schedules, and hopefully dropping Amelia into the mix will only be a hiccup in their daily routines and the biggest adjustment will be getting her on board without messing them up!  Neither of my boys have any real idea what it means when I keep telling them that Amelia is coming.. for a half second a few months ago I thought Owen finally understood.. he would point to the bassinet in my room and say baby.. and then when Amelia's room was complete, he'd point to the crib and say baby.. but, I quickly realized he thinks it's for Aidan... because, whenever I'm in there with both of them, all he does is tell "baby" (Aidan) to get in the crib and do nite-nite.  SO, yea.  Not quite the understanding I had hoped for!!

In the end.. I go back to remembering how i felt when I had Aidan.  I felt anxious about leaving Owen.. I worried about how he'd adjust.. I worried he'd think I didn't love him as much, since my time would now be split between 2 babies.. I worried that I was doing him a disservice by having another and not being able to give him 100% 1-1 attention when I was home.  And, I remember journaling about this (before I blogged!!) how those fears were gone by the first week I was home... seeing how great he was with Aidan was just incredible.  And now, I can't imagine things ANY other way.  Those boys seriously love each other.  They look for one another.. they play together.. they snuggle together.. there is no doubt that when people told me I was giving Owen an amazing gift of a sibling that they were right.  And, I'm holding on to that for the addition of Amelia, too.  I know that despite the small challenges we'll face initially, it will be absolutely amazing to see their love for each other develop and grow in time.  Like a puzzle piece, she'll find her place in our family and complete us all the same.  I truly can't wait :)

So, now that it's after 4am, I really should try and head back to bed and enjoy the last night of uninterrupted sleep for, ya know, the next 3+ months! But, before I go.. I promised last time to share some pictures of Amelia's beautiful nursery, thanks to Amy Loftus!!  It turned out absolutely perfect!!  I splurged and had custom bedding designed by The Baby Guy out in California... they were absolutely amazing to work with and the final product could not be any more perfect!  I'd hands down do it again in a heartbeat!  And then my sister and her amazing talent free hand drew the design for the tree to match the fabric of the bedding... it's so elegant, yet whimsical.. just perfect for our little lady :)

So here I am.. signing off!  Wish us luck tomorrow as our family of 4 expands to a family of 5!  I think it's tough to find time to blog now....!  I'm sure it'll probably be several weeks before I find the time or energy to post again, but I promise I will return!  This blog will be invaluable to me when my kiddos are bigger... remembering all these little memories that can so easily slip your mind will be amazing to look back on one day :)

Boomers, Battle wounds, Birthdays and BUZZ!!!!!!!

The weeks are disappearing so fast these days!  My good intentions to blog more often are typically trumped by the temptation of a foot rub from my hubby and some extra sleep.. quite difficult to pass up either of those!  That certainly does not mean it hasn't been an entertaining month, though!

Let's start off with 4th of July!  I admit, I was the sucky Mom who didn't take my kid to see fireworks last year.. but, let's be real.. Owen was just under a year old and I was way pregnant with Aidan.. plus, BEDTIME.  Seriously.  I don't like to EVER throw off bedtime!  This year, I attempted to use the same excuses, but for some reason started to feel guilty.  I think mostly because it wasn't 5,000 degrees out this year, which made the idea of sitting outside a little more tolerable.  Anyway, we ventured.  Me, Jas, both boys and my parents and sister.  I 100% expected Aidan to have a complete meltdown, and was 50-50 on Owen's reaction.  But, to my surprise, both tolerated them well! 

Neither one of them would take their eye off the sky.. it was as if they were both making sure those fireworks stayed far away!  It turned out to be a really nice evening.. and, even more to my surprise, throwing them off of their bedtime routine wasn't nearly as god awful as it could have been! 

The following weekend was the boys' joint birthday party.  Because, again, I suck at life, I left a lot of the planning and cleaning and preparing to the last minute.  Procrastination or just plain lack of energy.. call it what you will!  So, Thursday before the party my Mom was coming over to help me get the house cleaned and set up.. except, it didn't exactly work out that way.  The morning started off great.. both kids were in excellent moods.. I did some laundry, we played and I even managed to steal a picture with both boys while I was feeling all sentimental and sappy about them turning 1 and 2.

I'd say about an hour later was when this happy morning turned into chaos.  Aidan was starting to get sleepy, but I wanted to hold off his nap until after my Mom had arrived, since I knew if I put him down beforehand the dog would likely go nuts and wake him up.  I should also mention how in the weeks since I last posted Aidan has taken up a rather unsteady form of walking!  Shortly after my Mom & Sister got here, Aidan took his first major stumble.  He was mad because I walked out of the room, went to walk after me, but the combination of his sleepyness and unsteady walk resulted in a head dive into a wooden stool I had in the corner of the playroom.  The thump was unmistakeable, followed by his shriek of pain.  I was prepared for a welt.. I was prepared for a black and blue mark.. a ginormous egg.. but, I didn't expect to run in, pick him up and see the amount of blood gushing from his head that I had seen!  It scared the crap out of me.  No joke.  In the moment, all I remember thinking was oh my god, so much blood.. Owen was crying "baby boo boo!!" in the background.. my Mom was yelling to call an ambulance (which, thankfully we ended up not needing to do that).. and every time I removed pressure from his head the blood was just squirting out!  What an awful experience :(   Thankfully, the worst of it was over in a matter of a few minutes, and then it was just keeping pressure on it and ice to reduce swelling while we waited to hear back from the ped as far as where to go.  I'm so glad my Mom was here.. once the panic part was over, I immediately flooded with guilt and cried apologizing for not catching him.. I know, these things happen.. but, it doesn't make it any easier.  She reminded me the more upset I got, the more it would scare Aidan (and Owen!), which was good to hear because it helped me keep my emotions in check!

We ended up taking him over to the ER.  We made the mistake of going to Kennedy, since it's closer, instead of driving the extra 20 minutes to Virtua.. I'll never do that again.  No pediatric emergency room.. the wait took FOREVER, considering I had a 1 year old who was still bleeding from his head!!  Plus, we're sitting there next to all these super sick people, and all I kept thinking is don't let his hands or feet touch ANYTHING in this hospital!!  Despite the nasty cut, no nap, and the fact that he was absolutely ravished because we hadn't fed him lunch, he was really, REALLY well behaved!

They ended up using Dermabond to glue it together as opposed to stitching.  The ER doc said this would leave less of a scar, and also be less traumatic (probably more for me, since we would have had to hold him down to give him a local so they could then stitch him otherwise!).  Needless to say, it was an eventful afternoon!  Not how I ever expected the day to go, but I'm thankful it wasn't any worse than it was!!! We luckily were still able to get things done when we got home.. albeit it took until 10pm, but it all worked out and the party still went on! 

The party was great.. only about half the invitees were able to come, which was a bummer, but also made it a little easier.. managing a party of 45 vs 90 is a lot easier when 8 months pregnant!  It was nice, too, because it allowed the party to be really kid focused, which was great!  We had a woman from Kids Music Round come and entertain, which all the kids enjoyed.  All in all, it was a successful day!

This little porker devoured the entire birthday cupcake that we had made for him!  You'd think he'd never eaten sweets before!! Last year, my Mom had baked Owen an entire cake of his own, anticipating he'd have gone to town on it.  Except, he barely would touch it, let alone taste it!! Owen was more upset about getting the icing on his hands and being messy.  So, when it came time for Aidan to get a smash cake, I was pretty much expecting the same.  Ha, he sure proved me wrong!  He took one taste of the frosting, and next thing I knew he dove in face first!  Thank goodness this is only a first birthday tradition ;-)

Ojo has had a major BUZZ obsession lately.  Everything is BUZZ.  Literally, from the time he wakes up until this kid goes to sleep he's talking about Buzz, asking to watch Buzz, pretending to be Buzz, etc.  The funny part is, he had no Toy Story toys, and we legit only had watched the movie twice before the obsession hit!  Now, he's asking to watch it ALL. THE. TIME.  Kid is clever, too.. he'll try and tempt me with a nap.. he'll say nite nite Mommy.. pull me into my room, and tell me to "lay".. and then ask me to put Buzz on.. he's sneaky ;-)  And, I'll admit to taking him up on that every once in a while!! There's no denying this Momma could use a few minutes of down time whenever she can get it!!  Anyway, the big winner gifts for his birthday were a little bath toy Buzz, the Buzz costume, a Buzz book and an elmo phone thing that came with another book, (which he calls his "Mo - fo".. for elmo phone).  Jas and I gave him our presents, which were a soft buzz doll for the crib and then the big buzz toy from Disney store.  Needless to say, we've enabled this obsession to continue to thrive!!  It is pretty adorable, though, seeing him play Buzz.. or watching him run circles around the room with his arms out making "whoosh" noises.  Little boy definitely has a very tight hold on my heart :)

Next post I'll update about Amelia!  And how close we are to meeting the little Miss!! 32 weeks today!

It's not all roses, that's for sure!

Thinking back to when I was pregnant with Owen, I can remember various conversations with colleagues of mine who were Mother's already.. most of these conversations centered around the aspects of parenting that aren't often addressed in the "What to expect" books.. I can remember them telling me horror stories about the newborn weeks, and preparing me for the dreadful pain that would come with breastfeeding.. the lack of personal space and PRIVACY that you're essentially giving up for the next 18+ years.. Between having several Mom friends through work, my Sister, who has my 2 handsome nephews, and a handful of friends that already had children, I thought I was pretty well prepared.  I thought I had a pretty good grasp that things weren't always going to be sunshine and rainbows.  However, there was one thing that no one really prepared me for... everyone talks about the highlights of being a Mother, and the amazing feelings that go along with it.. but no one really told me that as quickly as these little beings can make you feel on top of the world, they can also tear down your self confidence in mere moments.

I remember before I had Owen feeling so excited to bring this little human into the world.. this little person, who would look at me with all the trust and love he could muster up.. who would immediately love me back as much as I love him.  I never really thought about how it would make ME feel when instead of looking down at that tiny new face and getting a smile, you get a wailing, screaming baby.. or instead of rocking them and staring lovingly into their eyes, they squirm and kick and push to get out of your arms!  Those were definitely things that tested the limits of my self esteem early on, but those things I kind of anticipated..

What I didn't anticipate is the slap in the face that can also be referred to as "the Daddy phase".  Ya know, the phase where Momma is completely unnecessary and unacceptable for any and all tasks related to their needs if Daddy is home? I remember going through this same thing with Owen, and we're dead in the middle of it again with Aidan.    It's been about 5 months of this Daddy phase with Aidan.  I'm an "acceptable" choice when Daddy isn't home, but the second Daddy does arrive, suddenly I'm chopped liver.  The way this child will scream for his Daddy... man, oh man, you'd think I was ripping off his toe nails with tweezers or something.. it is a full on face-turning-purple, can't take a breath type of crying from the second he hears Daddy until Daddy picks him up.  And, if for some reason Daddy puts him down.. it starts all over.

I'd be lying if I said it doesn't plant a seed of doubt in my mind.. if it doesn''t make me question my abilities as a Mother.. if it doesn't take my self confidence from A-OK all the way down to zero in an instant!  This is the power of your child!!  While I know that taking this "personally" is the wrong thing to do (hello -- irrational 11 month old we're talking about!!), it's still hard to not feel saddened by this.  I keep reminding myself of these same exact feelings I had when Owen went through this.. ironically enough (or, maybe not ironic.. maybe it's just timing) it happened around the same time I was getting ready to have Aidan.. and now again, right when miss Amelia will be arriving soon.. 

I guess part of how I feel about it all is amplified by the fact that I know big changes are coming soon.. Daddy will be spending more time taking care of the boys once Amelia is here and I'll be spending the majority of my time with her trying to establish ourselves a routine.. I keep trying to get in some extra snuggle time with Aidan here and there, but it's almost exclusively met with tears and resistance.  Jas normally does bedtime with Aidan.. he has since he was a baby.. so I tried tonight to switch it up and me do bedtime, hoping maybe I'd get 5 minutes to just hold him and snuggle.. no such luck, he pushed and kicked and whined and cried the entire time.. he was actually happier to go in his crib!  Sigh, epic fail.  Of course, this feeds into my regrets about not being able to nurse him.. I felt the same with Owen, too.. that somehow if we had nursed maybe this phase wouldn't have been so brutal!  All the more pressure to get it right with Amelia ;-)

At the end of the day.. I keep trying to remind myself that it's just a phase.. phases don't last forever.. Owen is very much a Momma's boy now despite going through this same exact phase.. actually, I'd say he's a glorious mix between a Momma's boy and a Daddy's boy..! I know Aidan man will come around.. but in the mean time.. it's just a bumpy ride for this Momma :)

Oh the freedom!

Once upon a time I had 2 little babies.  Where did that time go?!  I know I say this in practically every post I write, but how the heck are my boys growing up so fast!!  It is absolutely amazing, though, to see how quickly their little minds can absorb and apply the things they learn.  We are especially seeing this in Aidan, since he has his big brother to watch all day long.  We used to think Owen was going to be our "tough cookie".. and, don't get me wrong, he can be!! But, Aidan man.. this kid is fearless!  And stubborn.  And, quite the brute!!

 It was literally a matter of weeks.. (and by weeks, I mean maybe 2 weeks) before this little bruiser discovered he could do more than just crawl around the floor.  Him + freedom = a very dangerous thing.  It was to our surprise the night we discovered him crawling up the steps!  I'm honestly not sure who was more terrified.. me, as this now means our family room is no longer a safe room.. and the days of me sitting comfortably on the floor watching him crawl around and play are history.. Owen, who's quickly realizing that his brother is becoming more and more capable by the day.. or, Chunk.. who often has this look like "Seriously.. another mobile thing that wants to suck on my face and spit in my fur??!".  Within the first few days of Aidan learning how to crawl up the steps, we also tried teaching him the "dangers" of falling down the steps.  He wasn't quite understanding that he can't go up 2 steps and then turn around without falling.. but, in the beginning, Jason or I would run over to catch him.  Finally, I said to Jason.. we need to let him do a "supervised" fall.. (the carpets are super padded, and it was only up 1 or 2 steps).. my hope was that he'd realize falling isn't a game, and he can't "play" on the steps.  Yea, that plan was a bust.  The first time Daddy did the "supervised" fall, Aidan thought it was hysterical.  And then did it again.  And again.  And again.  Each time, he'd laugh these huge belly laughs like it's the most fun game he's ever learned.  In one night it became his mission to RACE to the steps, climb up the first and/or second step and do a back roll off them.  Even when we weren't there to catch him.. still laughter.  Oh man, this kid!!!!  We are still working on the "steps aren't for playing!!!" rule.. but, yea, it's not working out so great..........

Speaking of rules.. Aidan pretty much doesn't think they apply to him.  Ever.  When OJo was a baby, we took the approach of "teaching" him the word NO.. and "teaching" him not to touch things he wasn't supposed to.  I didn't want to have to remove everything in my house out of his reach in fear of him breaking things or touching something he shouldn't.. instead, I wanted him to learn that some things don't belong to him and he's not allowed to touch.  He was stubborn.. we'd have to tell him a dozen or more times, and there have been a couple of times early on where he'd get his hand swatted (like, night lights and power cords), but he quickly learned after one or 2 times and that was it.  Overall, OJo may throw a hissy fit over the word no, but he 99% of the time will listen.  Even when he was only ~11 months!  He listened..!  Aidan.  Not so much.  This picture.. this cheeky little smile of his.. if you look closely, you'll see he was playing with the vacuum.. one of his favorite past times.. where Mommy must say, "Aidan don't touch" 3 million times and each time it goes ignored.  The cable box is another nightly battle.  We have Comcast, and for anyone that has the new X1 platform, it is very "computer" based (I hate it, but that's a different story).  So, when a small handed child crawls over and presses the glowing neon green button that controls the power, it's not as simple to turn it back on as just pressing it again.  It's like a computer, everything has to reboot.  And, when you have a toddler who was watching something the exact moment the baby has decided to shut the cable box off (again), it plays out something like this...

Mommy: "Aidan, I swear, DO NOT TOUCH the cable box!!"
Aidan:  mischievous smile.. raises his hand...
Mommy:  "Don't do it Aidan!!!!"
Aidan:  PRESS!
Mommy: "Gahhhhhhh!!!!"
Owen:  "Uh Oh, it's off... Mom, it's off.. Mommy!! It's off"
Mommy:  "I know Owen, I'm sorry.. it will be back in a minute"
Owen:  For the next 5 minutes while it reboots "Uh oh Mom, it's off... Mom, it's off.. It's off, Mom...Dad! Dad, it's off.. Uh oh.. it's off!!!"

For the love of all things, including my sanity!!, Aidan, PLEASE stop turning off the cable!! My patience cannot handle it!  I don't know what is harder.. the fact that Aidan does it over and over again despite us correcting him, or listening to OJo tell us OVER AND OVER again that the TV is off!!  Amelia.. sweet girl, you are lucky.. some nights I really, REALLY miss my wine ;-)

And then, there was the one day.. the one day when Daddy tried swatting his little hand to stop him from pressing the button... we expected tears.. I expected tears!! And then, I expected to yell at Daddy and tell him not to do that again.. except.. Aidan just looked at his hand like "huh, that stings a little".. looked up at Jason like "that didn't hurt!", and then shut the damn cable off!!!!  No fear, this kid!

In addition to fearless, he's also quite clever.. and, can be kind of rough!  Now that Aidan has the freedom to get wherever he wants, OJo often likes to correct him... errr, push him down?  Owen isn't too keen on the fact that Aidan can now come over and touch anything and everything Owen is playing with.  We're working hard on the need to share, and that it's OK if your brother comes over and touches the same toy you're playing with.. you guys can play together.. but, it hasn't really been a success yet.  The cozy coupe is one that has caused a LOT of issues in our house.  Owen likes to get in there and just.. sit.  Aidan will then come over and pull himself up on the side of the car.  Aidan is good, but not that good where he can stand unassisted without holding onto anything for any length of time.. so, Owen gets mad that Aidan is touching his car and will push him off.  Aidan falls down.  Owen proceeds to then RUN HIM OVER with the cozy coupe.  Aidan cries, I yell that's not nice, Owen cries, etc.  I know this is going to happen every. single. time. that Owen gets in the cozy coupe.. however, last week, I had to laugh.. After Owen knocked Aidan off, and then proceeded to run over him, Aidan got smart.. he was being run over anyway, so in the process, he grabbed hold of Owen's legs and pulled.. next thing I know, they are both crying because Aidan pulled Owen off the seat of the car and now they're both stuck underneath the cozy coupe!  Clever little boy.. ;-)  Betchya his brother will think twice about running him over next time!!

Owen's got quite a few new tricks of his own.. aside from pointing out when every and any electronic device is "off", he also likes to alert me of when there's a "mess"... It usually goes something like this.. Owen dumps all the toys out of the bins.. spreads them all over the room (with Aidan's help), and then when I come over he'll say "Heyyyyy... who made a mess??".  Good try, buddy.. I know it was you!!! Sigh, or my other favorite from last week.. evening tubby with them both together.. and, Aidan.. little devil boy.. once again surprised us with some tubby floaters mid-bath.  In the chaos that it ALWAYS is when your kid craps in the tub with his brother in there next to him, I'm scrambling to get them both out and Aidan diapered before any more comes.. and, OJo just stood, pointing in the tub.. "Mom.. there's a mess... mommy!!! Mess!!! There's a mess, Mom!"...... yes, OJo.. I am WELL aware of the floating crap in my tub.. I'm also well aware that I will once again be bleaching it.. and once again be washing all your bath toys.. and once again threatening your brother with indefinite outside tubbies using the hose if he doesn't stop this nonsense!! Sigh, but yes.. you're right, there's a mess!

Some days are tougher than others, but they definitely keep me laughing! And, busy!! I will say, when I was pregnant with Aidan, it was tiring, but honestly wasn't all that bad.  Jason is such a huge help with the kids (or just Owen at the time) that I really don't remember it being that exhausting.  This time, with 2 little ones.. it's a LOT harder physically than I expected!  Mostly because your days and nights are just non-stop.  The tiredness can be tough, but it's more that my body just gets sore.. I also think that's partly due to carrying differently this time (maybe a girl thing?).  But, a lot has to do with constantly being on the move.. picking things up, cleaning up something, carrying someone up or down the steps, chasing someone off the steps, putting someone in time out, oh, and then there's the human jungle gym factor.  If my OB wasn't so awesome and didn't know Jason and I as well as she does, she'd probably have thought I was getting beaten or something!  My poor belly always has bruises!! Little toes, man.. they mark me up!! Between my belly and my thighs, I'm a speckled bruised mess most days!  But, going on the exhaustion thing.. Owen has this fun game he likes to play every. single. night. regardless to how tired I/we are.. it's quite simple.  He grabs you by the hand and you RUN.  Laps around the room.  Over and over again.  Sometimes he'll stop and put some obstacles in the way.  Or, sometimes he'll stop and move obstacles.  But, the running part doesn't change.. and the whole time he'll yell "Yay!! Runny!!".  It's become our motivation to finish dinner.. our motivation to behave (i.e. Owen, if you can't be nice we will not run tonight), and overall the biggest highlight of his day.  I love that he loves to run around.. but holy crap!  And, if Aidan gets involved, which he almost always does, that just adds to the complexity!! He's either speed crawling following us, or clinging to our legs as we run by until one of us picks him up and carries him while we run.  And, in case the pictures aren't doing him justice.. he's a PORK.  I think there's only 3 or 4lbs difference between him and Owen...!

Some days I wonder how much our lives are going to change once miss Amelia comes.  I'm so elated to be having another baby.. so excited to be adding a daughter to our family.. but, there's a part of me that is a little sad knowing how our current routine will have to change.  As tiring and trying on our patience as the boys can be sometimes, they bring so much joy into our lives.. and, they really do make every day fun.  I'm sad because I know that the first few months with a new baby in the house means Mommy is MIA from playtime and "fun stuff".. Just like when we had Aidan.. it took a little while to get everyone into the swing of things.. it will be the same this time, I know.. but I'll miss getting to spend all this time with my boys!  The flip side is.. I'll be creating another new bond.. with a new beautiful and precious little life.. another little to drive me bonkers in, oh 6-9 months give or take ;-)  Days that I feel a bit sad about how they dynamics will change initially with my boys, I just think ahead to a year from now.. when Amelia is Aidan's age.. and Aidan is Owen's age and Owen is 3.. there will be oh so many fun times ahead.. so many smiles, and giggles, and pressing of buttons =)  I really couldn't be more excited to be growing our family!

May Flowers!

May is starting out pretty well; full of flowers, achievements, confirmations and more :)  Also, we've had a beautiful few weeks of spring weather.. 60's and 70's galore!  However, along with the good weather comes the down side to owning an acre of land.. yardwork!  My husband is a trooper and takes care of it all on his own with his little push mower.. bless him!!

Owen and I decided to watch Daddy cut the grass.  I figured I'd give him the broom so he could help out.. come on, it's never too early to put the boy to work!  He very much enjoyed dragging the broom around, but didn't quite understand that sweeping the middle of the yard wasn't very productive.  To each their own.  However, he was so kind as to bring me back a gift he found... in his precious little hands he carried me a wad of dog poop that must have been overlooked.  It was delightful, no doubt.  Thank goodness he brought it to me instead of playing with it.. from across the yard I thought for sure it was just a stick, since he's always fascinated with sticks!!! Sigh.. boys.  Unfortunately, I don't think he'll be deterred from doing this same thing in the future, as his love for washing hands greatly surpasses my plea to NOT touch things you find in the yard!!

We're also working on more words.. slowly but surely we're getting there.  Owen only speaks when it's meaningful for him.  The necessities, and necessities alone.  We've learned that saying please will almost always get you a cookie (or some other treat!).. so, despite not saying cookie, he will frequently point at the cabinet, and give you the most dashing smile and say "pwease".. impossible to resist.  I'm a sucker.  Some other key things we've learned.. move.. as in, "brother, you're in my way, now MOVE".  He also has been smiling for me whenever he sees my camera and shouts "CHEESE"..!  It's adorably cute, yet I have no idea where he learned that from!  I don't ever recall telling him to say cheese for pictures, yet somehow he picked it up!  It's amazing what their minds absorb, even in short exposure!  Makes me worried, sometimes, what else he's picking up ;-)  I'll take the cheesy smile over the normal battle of tears I get when I'm trying to snap a shot.  We still haven't mastered taking pictures of them together.. dear God I don't think I'll ever get a decent shot once baby #3 is here!!

The other night Owen was in such a loving mood.. I kept trying to get him to say "I love you Momma" to me.. I know he can.. there's no reason why he can't, he just chooses not to.  So, I figured my best shot was to try and coax it out of him while he was super snuggly and loving to begin with.  Epic fail.  After several attempts, including me fake crying and whimpering, I thought I was going to get it.. he came over, put his little boy hands gently on my cheeks.. looked me dead in the eye and said "No, Momma".  I didn't know whether to laugh or cry!  Almost 2 years I've been waiting, kid!!! Just give up already and say you love me!!!

Aidan man has accomplished a TON in the past few weeks!  We have been waiting and waiting for him to finally figure out the key to becoming mobile and THANK GOODNESS it's happened!  One day out of nowhere he just flipped on his belly and started to crawl.. from there it's become non-stop!  And, crawling was only scratching the surface!  This kid will pull up on anything and everything; zero exceptions!  Jason caught him climbing Owen's play kitchen last week, and yesterday he was climbing up the steps.  He has no fear, this kid.. a few weeks ago he barely had the stability to support his chubby self, and now he's letting go and taking steps in all kinds of directions!  It's incredible to see the satisfaction it brings him to finally be mobile..!

As for our confirmation... I had my follow up scan yesterday and I can 100% say without a doubt that little Miss is indeed a she!  Instead of being shy, she allowed us to get several clear views.  The idea of having a little girl is starting to sink in.. so much so that I even went out and bought some PINK things!  Still seems so crazy! I don't even tend to look at the girly things when I'm shopping; I'm so used to my boys!  What an awesome experience this will be to have a daughter :)  Only downside.. I'm not one for style/fashion, so learning how to dress my daughter in all these adorable baby girl clothes will definitely be a learning curve for me!!  We've also settled on a name.. before we knew if Owen was a boy or girl, our name choice for a girl was Sophia.. as much as I love that name, I really do like names that are a bit less common.. I remember growing up having several friends with the same name and it was confusing!  With Sophia the First cartoon, the name has become increasingly more popular.. it's been the top of the charts for the past few years now.  For that reason, we went back to the drawing board and together came up with Amelia Quinn.  I love Amelia.. I think it's feminine and classic.. a bit old fashioned, but timeless.. I really do love this so much!  I find myself writing her name often just because it's so pretty to write!

That's it for now!  This weekend is Mother's day.. I'm spending some extra quality time with my boys, but was also granted a "free pass" to go out shopping for a few hours by myself today!  The boys need some new summer things, and of course Amelia will require a wardrobe!  I'm heading to a hobby lobby for the first time ever in an attempt to buy some materials I'll need to make some homemade hair bows!  When Daddy isn't looking, I'll get my Aidan man to model them ;-)